Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 4/7/2009

Question
Hi, my name is La'Tasha i am doing a research paper for my English class and my teacher wants us to get info from other people on their thoughts about Domestic Violence. Could you please have these questions answered by 1pm tomorrow after noon(April 7, 2009) please and thanks so much!


1. Have you dealt with a lot of domestic violence cases?
2. Which is most common verbal abuse cases or physical abuse cases?
3. Do you have any advice for people that are dealing with domestic violence?
4. How do you feel about domestic violence, do you think it is good/bad and why?
5. Who is the main offender in most cases of domestic violence?
6. Does it usually take a while before a victim of domestic violence seeks professional help?
7. How does a domestic violence victim know when it is time to leave?
8. How likely is it for the abuser to continue the abusive actions?
9. How often do you see abusive relationships change?
10. Do you recommend the victim to stay with the abuser if the abuser promises to make a change?

Answer
Dear La'Tasha,

I will do my best to answer your questions.

1.  I'm not sure what you mean by a lot, but I've dealt with my fair share of them
2.  The most common thing I see in both verbal and physical abuse is that the abuser takes little or no responsibility for his/her actions and the victim allows the abuse and has poor self esteem.
3.  My best advice is to get to a counselor as soon as possible and if that doesn't work, get out of the relationship.
4.  Domestic violence is terrible.  At its root is a lack of honor and respect for people at a most fundamental level.  Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
5.  In most cases, the male is the most common offender.  There are a smaller percentage of cases where the female is the aggressor, but in those cases there is a high percentage of borderline personality disorder.
6.  Yes
7.  They usually don't.  Most of the time they will stay in the relationship until it is clear that their children are being harmed or they find a counselor who can help them deal with the personal issues that keep them in the relationship.
8.  Without professional intervention, the cycle of abuse continues and gets more violent with each cycle.  There are a few exceptions, but they are few and far between.
9.  Not very often...usually they end by one person leaving.
10.  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  An abuser must back up any statement like that with long term action which means getting professional help.  Promises to change are part of the cycle of abuse...every abuser says it, but it is usually a manipulative tool.

These are good questions and I hope my answers have helped.

Blessings,  Kriss