Expert: Nafeesah - 4/10/2009

Question
Hello, I am 17 years old and i have been in two relationships so far: one was for 4 years from grade 7-11, and now i am in one so far for a year and a half. My boyfriend and i have had some problems in the past and i have always wondered if he could actually be labelled as abusive. I've tried avoiding this because he is actually really sweet and kind, despite his anger sometimes, but everyone gets angry. He used to get mad at me and call me names, but he would never physically hurt me. He kicked me out of his car once when he was angry at himself for being wrong about something stupid. We always used to argue about stupid things and he would always call me names like bitch, slut, etc.. He doesn't anymore because I decided to leave him a while ago because I couldnt take it anymore. He finally realized he couldn't treat me that way and begged for me to come back saying he would change. It's been almost a month, and he has changed alot. Everything is going well because he knows i will leave if he treats me the way he did before. He also said he wasn't being himself before, which was for almost a year. I found that hard to believe because how can you not be yourself for a year without realizing it? Do you think he really is being himself now? And do you think he could really be called abusive?
We also get together almost everyday because we like it and we dont get sick of eachother. Do you think this is healthy at this age? People have told us to get together with other people but I just don't want to. I enjoy spending time with him. Should i ignore them and do what i want or spend more time with others? Also, right now i don't really have any other friends that i am close with, thats why it is difficult to put myself out there and go out with others.

Answer
Your boyfriend has some abusive tendencies, but he's got to be willing to get into some counseling to resolve those issues before it gets out of hand. If he's aware that if he continues the current behavior that you'll leave you gave him something to think about. I would begin to establish friendships and not always making your boyfriend your full priority. You have a life outside of him. Your boyfriend has to be willing to change his ways and to learn how to communicate with you better if he's angry about something and not calling you derogatory names.