Expert: Nafeesah - 4/30/2009

Question
My boyfriend and I live together in my family's house, and have been dating almost a year (soon, I know). During the last couple months, he has been very easily irritable, which I mainly attribute to his being cooped up inside all the time. He does not have a job, currently.
So. When we get into disputes, I'm usually too stubborn to back off, even when I can tell he's getting really fed up. This recently culminated in him pushing me over (I was sitting in a chair). I got upset, and he was really nice to me that night when I got home from work.
A couple days later (which was a couple days ago), when complaining about his lack of motivation for job-hunting and how he could at least help me with household chores, he grabbed my shoulders roughly and yelled "Shut the fuck up" in my face.

I'm confused because these are really strange occurrences between us. We're usually very relaxed with each other and very sweet. I'm obviously alarmed, as I have a couple small bruises now (every time I mention them, he apologizes and/or kisses them). But at the same time, I really feel that this is only happening because of the immense pressure on him from wanting to move out, needing his own job/money to do that in addition to mine, not being able to go anywhere (no vehicles; we get left out of a lot of social events), and my consistent nagging about these things.

As an outsider, hearing only the bad, does it sound "really" bad, or is it just a bad situation that will fix up when we get our shit together? (As in: get out of the stressful house, have privacy for once, have freedom to go places, can financially sustain ourselves. Etc.)

Answer
Because your boyfriend has no job and sees that you're doing better this could be a contributing factor to his behavior. Yet you shouldnt put up with this at all and if he's been hitting you it's time to leave no woman should be tolerating physical violence in a relationship. You also mention that he's used expletives towards you and has also grabbed you to the point of hurting you this is also another sign it's time to end the relationship. If you think his sweet act is going to win you over please wake up because if this guy hurt you once he'll do it again. I would be alarmed and concerned with this kind of behavior because he could do it again which can be more serious and the fact that you had bruises also tells me you need to get out of this relationship. You don't need to live with a guy to feel content in a relationship. Women have to do better in terms of their standards of dating because they're so quick to move in with a man that they don't see the potential problem with living together especially how you're living together and hadnt been together not even a year yet. You need to look at this situation long term and consider the facts that if this guy lost his job again and was angry and lashed out at you are you going to say this is another "strange" occurence? I sense that this has probably happened more than once and this is common among women who are being abused to not say that it's happened more than once.