Expert: Nafeesah - 4/20/2009

Question
Hi I am living a nightmare.  I have been marriued now for almost 10 years and my husband is a recovering alcoholic.  He has verbally and emotionally abused me since we married.  I recently had spinal surgery and the night before my surgery my husband told my kids who are 6 and 8 that he hopes I die during the surgery.  Also, I had a abortion when I was still single and now my husband is telling my kids that I have killed a child.  I live in this beautiful home and we belong to country clubs, but I am dying inside.  I can honestly say I hate me.   I am accountable for any money spent out of the savings and now his mother is calling my mother and telling her "well she had credit card bills that he paid off when they first got married"  I am in this for th kids.    I really don't have a great job and he tells me all of the time what a loser I am and I have no career.  He owns 2 businesses and his mom is now telling my mom that I won't get any money.  Help please tell me what o do within the next year while I am recovering from spianl surgery.  Thnaks so much

Answer
This is a sad situation to be in and your husband has no reason to tell your kids that you had an abortion. That's not the appropriate age for them to know something like this. They should know about this when they're older and the setting is more appropriate for you to tell them about this. Also why is your husband telling the kids he hopes you die during the spinal operation you just had? Is is clearly not right in the head? I think he's got some issues going on that he's got to deal with and this falls into the category of emotional and mental abuse. Since when was it your mother in law's buisness to be disclosing information to your mother about your finances? She's overstepping her bounds to be involved in something that's clearly none of her buisness. This is where mother in laws complicate things when they're involved in stuff that's not their place to talk about or discuss with other people. I would consider a separation from your husband and maybe move in with your mother so you can get help with raising the kids while you recover since your husband clearly isnt concerned with your current health crisis. You need the support and help while you are healing from an operation such as this.