You are here:
Abusive Relationships/Abuse
Advertisement
Question
I wanted to understand how when my relationship started 6 years ago I could see the abuse now I feel like we have changed places and I am the abuser. I hate myself and can not seem to break away even though I know I need to.
Hilarie, it figures -- what you say.
Deep in our soul we know we are important. Self hate comes from some experiences of our past which we are hellbent on rejecting. We sometimes confuse the deed with the person, and when the person is self instead of hating the deed, or regretting what happened, we think we hate our self. But the divine aspect of our self reminds this human consciousness that we are here to survive; deep within we know we need love.
Could it be that when we do not know how to love self, we throw the responsibility on another to love us? I am just wondering.
So, not valuing yourself adequately, you allowed yourself to be abused; and now that you have extricated yourself from that abusive contract, you, not feeling worthy of love, nor feeling worthy of the attention, have become abusive. Is this an attempt to confirm to yourself that you are not deserving of happiness? Is it trying to reject before you are rejected?
Truth is you, no matter your past, are intrinsically important; intrinsically good enough. If you do not like thinking of your past, start living as you would like to. You cannot change the past. But you could start anew this moment to live true to your conviction.
You can do this alone, with prayer, reading, and commitment to change. If you need help with the process, get to a counselor.
Related Articles
Answers by Expert:
Eugenia Springer, Ph.D.
Expertise
I can answer your questions on how to stop being a victim, and/or how to stop being an abuser. My ability to help you, however, would depend on your willingness to assume full responsibility for helping yourself.
Experience
From the 1970s to the present, my life has been a search after knowing my purpose, knowing myself, and knowing God. I talk about this search in my 2002 book, "Further Insights Into the Journey".
After years of teaching biology at university, I became a radio Family Life Counselor, and a newspaper columnist, responding to callers on radio, and replying to letters from the public, in the newspapers.
My book for the adolescent girl, "Girl, It's All About You"(Review & Herald Publishers 1980, and out of print) was my attempt to marry my field of training--biology, and my adoptive field--interpersonal relationships.
"Further Insights Into the Journey" is about my search for personal freedom--a search for freedom from external controls; for freedom from fear. Through very instructive experiences, many sorely trying, I uncovered that freedom within me, and found myself progressively experiencing increasingly greater measures of peace.
To get your copy of "Further Insights Into The Journey" email me at dreugenia.springer@live.com
For a few years I hosted and produced the weekly call-in radio program, Life and Living/Soul to Soul on radio station Power102fm.
Education/Credentials
Certificate in Parenting and Family Life Counseling
Certificate in Dianetics Counseling
Ph.D. in Zoology (specializing in Biochemical Genetics)
©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.