Expert: Nafeesah - 5/20/2009

Question
This is such a long, complex story, but I'll try to boil it down: I'm sort of an immature person, and have not always been a loyal friend. If you would have asked me that about a year ago, I wouldn't have stated that so willingly and bluntly. However, in retrospect, I look back over my 26 years of life @ my "best friend" relationships, and I see abusiveness and disloyalty and breaches of trust on my part regarding those friendships. I've had conflicts with friends over the years, but I never saw their point of view. I always apologized for whatever they were mad at me about; but, really, my perspective was love me or leave me. Like, if I'm such a jacked up person, then stop trying to be my friend. Why would you tolerate such a trifling person in your life? So I lost lots of friends from being selfish and immature. Or, the ones I kept, love me, but feed me with a long handle spoon.

Well, I never really realized that. I was just being me. I never had malicious motives toward my friends, I was just being my immature trifling self. The point is, I think I've met my match. I made friends with a lady @ work last year. Awesome person I think. Well, straight away she began calling me out on my shortcomings as a friend. And I'll admit looking back, I really did some trifling things to her. Disrupted some of her relationships, spread some rumors at work, betrayed her trust, violated her privacy. The list goes on and on. Well, as I stated, I wasn't trying to hurt, just being myself. And I felt like, love me or leave me. Well, it baffled the hell outta me because instead of her accepting me how I was or just cutting me off, she opted for combativeness and has tried valiantly for 18 months to make me change. I realized at some point recently that this lady loves me. We fight constantly about things I've done and how she can't stand me for it. And I think, then why do you keep calling me and being there for me if I need you? It's wierd.

Ultimately, last night she told me that she would give me a taste of my own medicine. So, she's like, everything you've done to me, I'm gonna start doing those things in your life, then maybe you'll understand how trifling you are. You know, I already understand how trifling I am. What I don't understand is why would she go through the trouble and drama? Why not just stop being my friend?? It makes no sense. I've always apologized to her for things I've done to her, cause I never really meant it maliciously anyway. Just being myself. But on her part, it is maliciousness on purpose. So I told her let's just stop being friends. And she's like whether we stop or not she's still going to go forth and give me a taste of my own medicine. This is a bizarre situation for me. Can you offer insight or direction? What do I do about her??

Answer
There's that saying that revenge is a dish best served cold, but if you're losing friends and tainting relationships you need to look at yourself as to why you act like this. Being selfish and immature is two things that can hurt those around you. The fact that you're 26 and acting like this makes me wonder why anyone would want to bother dealing with you. It's time to grow up and realize the world does not work around your schedule and watch. If you keep this up you could find yourself very much alone and even more single because men are going to avoid you like a bad habit.