Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 5/12/2009

Question
Me and my bf have been together for over 2 years, its a long-distance relationship. We both are 18 years old. The start was cold but after 3-4 months we both got serious with each other, he used to be the BEST lover i have ever seen. He'd be there whenever I cried, he'd comfort me, send me ecards, emails, sweet msgs, text me that he misses me out of nowhere, he used to called me 4-5 times everyday. He would go crazy if i was ever mad at him, he even slitted his arm for me once when i wasnt believing he loved me. He used to love a girl older than him before me, but when he got me, he stopped loving her. He cut all contacts with her for me over a year ago. He proved he loved me in every way, he went crazy when i left him for a few days, he sent me mad emails, ecards, and begged me to take him back and that he would die without me. He told his family about me and i told my family because he wanted to marry me. I accept my fault that i argued alot with him in the past and he got fed up with me, but eventually i stopped. I only argued because i knew he'd never leave me, but i was wrong. After October 2008, he just TOTALLY changed! I cant believe what he has become, he would laugh when I cry (sarcastically), he told me on my face that he doesnt care, etc etc. and Finally in december, he told me he wants a break from me, I ended up agreeing with him. But the very next day he emailed me saying, he was just stressed and upset how i argued over littlest thing with him he still loves me and wants to get back. I didnt take him back because i wanted him to realize that im also a human being and it hurts, he made me cry constantly. He promised he'd never leave me or make me cry again, we got back. But after that, I dont know how to say, He has just turned into a freaky jerk. He tells me he hates me, he gets mad if i ask ''are you busy?'', he curse at me, he is always in a bad mood when i talk to him otherwise he is happy. He even left me back and fourth in past 2 weeks but i love him alot i cant live without him, he only comes to me when he wants to see me shirtless, otherwise he doesnt talk to me, all he says is ''ok'' or ''good''. He hasnt called me in 3 months, and when i call him, he ignore my calls and answer when he is in a mood. I really dont wanna let go because i love him alot, spent a great amount of time with him, I want him to change and be nice to me. My friends tell me to leave him for a timebeing so he realizes that he wronged me dearly, but I dont know...I just love him alot...we just talked and he abused me just because i didnt understand what he said, he said im stupid and he cant stand me, he is getting sick of me. just because of not understanding a question? he said hey man give me some space. he has become the biggest hypocrite ever! he is becoming worse and worse day by day...what should I do? I dont want to leave him, is there anything that can change him or atleast improve his behaviour? Should I ignore him and disappear on him? I want him to come to me himself for once..

Answer
Dear Jiya,

I read your mail carefully and  understood your situation.

I have  some  suggestions for  you.

1)Do not think that  with out him  you do not  have life. It is  a lie  formed in your mind due to emotions

2)Give him some  space to relax and reflect.


3)Recheck and make  sure  that his(your boy friend's)  love for you is not human emotion based on fleshly desires but genuine love.

4)If you find that  your boy friend's love is human emotions,then it is better  for you to keep distance


In my experience I have counseled many  who falsely  took  emotions  as true love and  got married and ended with horrible life  or divorce

All the best

Dr.Sunu Sundar