Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 5/1/2009

Question
My husband has exhibited different forms of what I was told is spousal abuse. It's rather subtle most times. He does not allow me to visit my family often nor will he get me a cell phone. We do not have a home phone and no reliable internet access either. Is this a form of spousal abuse, also?

Answer
Dear Deborah,
This is a good question.  Yes, these are forms of abuse in that they are some of the pretty classic symptoms of domestic abuse.  Anytime someone restricts your free will as a healthy adult or restricts your ability to communicate with others it should be considered a red flag.  Do you have a car?  Can you travel when you want to?  Does he control your decision making?  Do you have to tell him where you are and where you are going or who you are seeing?  Does he keep you on a strict budget with no free spending money?  These are other examples of control and abuse that can happen.

Counseling is the best way to deal with this kind of issue.  Either that or if you are strong enough personally, set very firm boundaries with specific consequences and follow through on them.  You might see more controlling or abusive reactions when you do that.  This is a free country Deborah and you are an adult.  You should be able to visit whomever you please, talk to who you want to when you want to.  If your husband is restricting your free will, then he needs to change that.  If he will accept help, then you have a pretty good chance that things will change, however if he doesn't, there isn't much you can do about it except like I said before, set boundaries.  If the situation becomes intolerable, you may consider leaving it.

I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you but if I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.

Blessings,  Kriss
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