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Abusive Relationships/moving on after spousal abuse

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Expert: - 5/8/2009


Question
QUESTION: How do you move on after an abusive relationship?  I was married to a man almost 20 years ago that verbally, physically and sexually abused me.  It was only a two year marriage and with the help of my family was able to get out of the marriage.  I have never told anyone how extensive the abuse in the relationship actually was.  My family knew there was serious problems with the relationship but due to the fact that we lived over 500 miles apart, they were unable to see exactly what was going on during the marriage.  I am currently in a four year relationship with a man that I love very much and he me as well, but the scars that I still carry from 20 years ago constantly cause me to withdraw from him.  He is aware that there is previous relationships that involved abuse but has no idea to what extent.  I know I have to move on and realize that what has happened in the past is just that in the past but that is much easier said than done.  Any suggestions?

ANSWER: Suzann,

I suggest you  not to commit to any relation unless you are healed of the past.
What gurantee is there that  your new  man will love you for ever inspite of your limitations??


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: The question I ask you had absolutely nothing to do with my relationship that I am currently in.  I was asking for advice on trying getting over the limitations as you call them from my previous abusive relationship.  Your answer to my question gave me no resolution at all.

Answer
Dear Suzann,

I  think  a few sessions of  counseling  and psychotherapy  will enable to  heal  yourself. Help of a local counselor ma be  sought for this  purpose. I suggest you also to resort to diligent prayers and meditation of scriptures on a regular  basis. This will lead you to path of healing.

Best wishes

Abusive Relationships

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Dr.Sunu Sundar

Expertise

I am a psychologist committed to Christ and enjoy relationship in His company.I can answer questions related to sexually abusive relationships in families. I can effectively deal with victims of abusive relationship. I am also efficient in dealing with child abuse and incest. I am here to help others who have questions related to above said issues. You may visit www.mindpanchakarma.org to know more about my mission

Experience

I have been a dealing with victims of sexual abuse since 2000.I have dealt with many teenagers who suffered abusive relationships. Listening to victims of incest and child sexual abuse has made me a better counselor in dealing with these issues.

Organizations
Mind Detoxification Therapy Home Ashram(MDT) In Mind Detoxification Therapy Home Ashram we treat people focusing on holistic healing. Various types of therapies offered here for detoxifiying the mind and body are derived from the wisdom of traditional Indian medical system and medicines. Victims of abusive relationship are offered special One to One residential therapy for complete healing of mind. Special packages for healthy life are available for couples and students. Treatments offered her are based on alternative medical system derived from the wisdom of saints on ancient times. Treatments are harmless with no side effects. A team of doctors headed by Dr.Sunu,committed towards the welfare of the patients are on duty in the MDT clinic

Publications
I have been writing on psychological issues in a Tamil monthly magazine called 'KULANTHAIGAL PARALUMANTAM'. I also write in a health magazine Makkal Maruthuvam.

Education/Credentials
I have a Master degree in Psychology. I also have another Master degree in Sociology. I have taken intense training from the Jesuits for seven years in the field of Personality, Self, Discipline and Morality. I am a psychologist committed to Christ and enjoy relationship in His company.

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