Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 5/29/2009

Question
I have custody of my 2yo grandson (since 1/09). His parents have every other weekend unsupervised visitation. My questions and concerns are: 1) is it normal for a 2yo boy to hump the air when you change his diaper?; 2) is it normal for him to get hard every time you change his diaper, pants, give him a bath etc?; 3)is it normal for him to pull on his penis, I don't mean touch and explore, I mean pull hard on it as in trying to stretch it?; 4) recently he has been screaming out at night, he doesn't wake up, but becomes restless until we speak to him softly or touch him (rub his back). He doesn't sleep in his bed any longer (if we put him in it he may stay 30 mins or 3-4 hrs, but never all night. He either sleeps in the bed between us or in a playpen in our bedroom. 5) this week (last weekend was a visitation weekend) when he got ready to kiss me good night, he grabbed my face in both hands and kiss me (the kiss was one I would have expected from my husband in a romantic sitting). He held my face and kissed me on the mouth with his eyes closed and pressing his lips into mine for several seconds (more than 5-6). I was in shocked, but didn't know what to do. I took his hands from my face and he became upset and told me "no". Then he put his hands back on my face and pulled me to him and this time when he tried to kiss me, he tried to tongue me. His eyes were closed and he was very serious into his kissing. He also started rubbing up against me. I stopped the kisses and turned him so he was not against me. He fell asleep a short time later and I put him in his playpen. I am in total shock. I know or feel like this is not normal behavior for a 2yo. What do I do and is this signs of possible sexual abuse or him witnessing sexual acts between his parents.

I am very concern about him and what happens to him when he is with his parents. They have been arrested for domestic violence between each other. She has been and I still feel is being abused by her husband. There is also a question of drugs and alcohol in the house and them using when they have him.

We are due to return to court in July for final disposition of custody. Until then his parents get him every other weekend. All of this behavior started in the last month. We were in court May 1 and his behavior has increased in inappropriate behaviors every time he comes back from his visit.

Can or could a child psychologist tell if he has been abused or has witnessed inappropriate behaviors at his parents' house. I don't want him to go for visitation for fear of what could be next. Without facts, what facts do I need to stop visitation, I can't refuse them visitation.

Please help me. I cry myself to sleep at nights when he is with them sometimes.

Answer
Dear Pattie,

I empathize with you fully.I  understand very well  your  serious  concerns. Since online counseling  may not  help  much in this  case, I highly recommend you  to visit a local  child psychologist and get help.

I  also  suggest you to   regularly pray  for  his parents

Best wishes