Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 7/1/2009

Question
QUESTION: Good Morning,
I have been married for 38 years. I was first married at age 17 which lasted only 1 year. I married my current husband at 19. The marriage was very difficult from the begriming, even as we dated. He verbally abused me and even resorted to some forms of physical abuse. We had 4 children and now have 7 grandchildren, whom he loves dearly.
I tried so hard to please him and I realized later on that the only times he was happy with me was when it involved the kids. He constantly berated and belittled me calling me morrron or stupid at any whim. He reminded me constantly of my worthlessness and that I did not deserved or have any claim to any of our material gains. The most common verbal abuse was "whore, slut and bitch:" He would blackmail me that if I wanted to buy something for me or the kids I would have to compensate sexually, and for the sake of peace I gladly did so. For many years his sexual fantasy was to have me shared by another while he would watch. I realized that he would fulfill this fantasy unless I kept his mind occupied with other fantasies. I had to be drunk most times and accepted and encouraged watching porn to escape the reality of my life. When it became too extreme I confessed to the Elders of my Christian congregation and began to break free from this terrible habit. As I suspected he then decided he no longer have sex with me. I have never known the warm touch of love from him unless he himself was distressed and needed comfort, which I happily gave and mistook it to mean "he loved me". Years ago he stopped sharing meals with me,and would not acknowledge my existence when he came home or went to work or went to bed. I have caught him at the corner of my eye looking at me with disdain and discuss. He makes vile crude remarks when ever I pass near him such as, you stink, you if-no good. I contributed very well to the family financial status either by working or making wise investments of which I am constantly reminded  that I have proven worthless to him in this area. Sadly I gained 75 pound, have hypertension and suffer from depression. My children begged me for years to leave, now they are gone and he is far worse. I suspect there has been infidelity on his part and a sexual attraction to men.
Why am I so bound to him? Why am I so frightened to leave. It is like I am tied to him and cannot imagine a life without him. I am a bright woman and have been successful in may areas. How can I escape from the hell
Thank you so much

ANSWER: Dear Ellie,

It is high time  that you  left this man.You need a  deliverance.
Consult your local pastor, engage in diligent prayers(atleast 3 hours every day) and fasting( as per the  advice of your physician).

Not trusting your emotions, feelings and  thoughts just take  a  bold  decision to leave this man the earliest. I bet  you God's help will reach you and  surprise you  as soon as you take this act of  obedience

Have  a nice  day

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Is there anything I can do to gain courage and strength.I do nor know why I am so scared. Should I try to legally make him leave? I will loose my home. I do have another home to go to, am I being unresonable? Maybe it's not worth holding the home
Thank You

Answer
I suggest you to  separate  from  him permanently(physically, mentally) through legal means. Keeping him , his  home, or  the money  that he brings  will be  at the cost of  living a highly  peaceless life.Holding on to anything  related to him  only  brings restless and unpeaceful  life