Abusive Relationships/Abusive Moment

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Expert: Eugenia Springer, Ph.D. - 6/6/2009


Question
Good Afternoon -
I was wondering how am I able to mend things and fix my relationship? I hit my boyfriend in the face and now he wants nothing to do with me and wishes me dead. I know he is just upset at the moment and I know for a fact that he knows my love for him is real, however, I had a moment where frustration got the best of me and I acted without thinking. Is there any quick, easy or honest way to mend this situation and still be together?  

Answer
Dear Israel,

Are you underestimating the seriousness of your "assault" on your boyfriend?  Any sound thinking, self respecting young man would know to walk away from a woman who so readily, so nonchalantly, crosses the line of respect.

Love does not abuse, Israel.  Love does not humiliate, or hurt.  It seems that disrespect for the right of others not to be hit by you comes readily to you.  The things we do without thinking say much about who we are.

Saying that you love the young man in no way compensates for the transgression you have committed.  I suggest you find a therapist and talk about yourself, and your anger problem.  The person who hits because they become frustrated, and hits a person they hope would come back to caress and love them, is a person who needs lots of help.  If you do not get help for yourself you could find yourself hitting a man who would hit you back, and perhaps hurt you seriously.

Take care of Israel.  Work with your behavior so you would not be inviting a life of abuse for yourself.

Dr. ES

Abusive Relationships

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Eugenia Springer, Ph.D.

Expertise

I can answer your questions on how to stop being a victim, and/or how to stop being an abuser. My ability to help you, however, would depend on your willingness to assume full responsibility for helping yourself.

Experience

From the 1970s to the present, my life has been a search after knowing my purpose, knowing myself, and knowing God. I talk about this search in my 2002 book, "Further Insights Into the Journey". After years of teaching biology at university, I became a radio Family Life Counselor, and a newspaper columnist, responding to callers on radio, and replying to letters from the public, in the newspapers. My book for the adolescent girl, "Girl, It's All About You"(Review & Herald Publishers 1980, and out of print) was my attempt to marry my field of training--biology, and my adoptive field--interpersonal relationships. "Further Insights Into the Journey" is about my search for personal freedom--a search for freedom from external controls; for freedom from fear. Through very instructive experiences, many sorely trying, I uncovered that freedom within me, and found myself progressively experiencing increasingly greater measures of peace. To get your copy of "Further Insights Into The Journey" email me at dreugenia.springer@live.com For a few years I hosted and produced the weekly call-in radio program, Life and Living/Soul to Soul on radio station Power102fm.

Education/Credentials
Certificate in Parenting and Family Life Counseling Certificate in Dianetics Counseling Ph.D. in Zoology (specializing in Biochemical Genetics)

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