Expert: David Simonsen - 6/20/2009

Question
I am in a relationship for 6 years now, I have attempted to leave him 3 diff times (at least) I am not raising Our 3 year old son. He is a sever alcoholic, and He is Mentally and Verbally abusive to me. this is my home by the way.
He constantly looks great in front of people "work related" or just his drunk friends. but when i try to get along with them. Just in conversation. I get cut off at the pass. He tells me Hes just tired, or Just thinking, or Just something all the time. he uses crutches and excuses for his actions. on his humiliating. controlling, belittling behavior with me.
When I try to discuss things with him, he says I am always wanting to argue with him, cuts me off. He plays tons of mind control games. He never appreciates or shows love or affection, then he will get really quiet and never speak to me.
He has even gotten to the point that He needs his space, When hes ready, its lights out, OR i cant have the TV on. OR I cant go in the kitchen, Because I have to go through His space. its like walking on eggshells, me and the kids stay in the bedroom to just stay away from him. While He has the Family room.
I think we met when  He was having some bad times in his life yes. But he wants me to give him "holding money"etc.. When I get paid, And then Turn around and he wont give it back to me.
He says hes going to pay the rent this Month. But i told him why did he not just leave, he does not really want to be here. There does not have to be law involved. to just cut out. he says this is His house, And he wont leave from it again. We are not married.
As i stated I stay back in my bedroom, to keep from confrontation. he will always apologize the next morning, the next second be a total jerk. he makes me feel it is all me, he is making me second guess myself, even says its menopause, that Im the one to blame. for all of it. No one likes me. and No one can be a better man then him. for me.
All my neighbors are tired of it. Etc...
He is kind to me to get more money out of me, or apologizes one sec then acts up again the next. and he says the past 6 years is the past, he wants to move forward That what I've done for him does not matter anymore.
Today he said oh its just because he got overheated at work. I was like I cant stand to be like this anymore. Why should I be put through making a decision on what to do?
This is my home, Why wont he leave. (he does not pay the bills) he has even let us run out of food.
I only think he is here cause of our son, and to control me, and take all ive got to give It is to tense to stay this way any longer. It is Miserable. Is it all my fault?
How do I break out of this?

Answer
Melissa,
The sad part about this is you have a choice to stay or leave and your son doesn't. I would say that staying is you abusing your son. Your son shouldn't suffer because of your weakness. So why not give him to a family member that is stable and that will teach him appropriate ways to be in relationships? You need to move out and move in with family. I don't care what family, just someone who will show more care and compassion than the loser that you are currently with.
David
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