Expert: David Simonsen - 6/25/2009

Question
Hi,
I have been in a very committed relationship for 7 months now.  I first saw a red flag in month one, when my boyfriend found out that I had gone on a date 4 years ago, with someone he hates.  He told me that was a "deal breaker" and broke up with me on the spot.  When I left his house, I was confused and devastated and angry.  I went out that weekend with some friends and ended up kissing a man I have known for a long time, that had just gotten divorced as well.  It didn't go anywhere and it happened only that one time.  The next week my boyfriend called and told me how sorry he was that he over reacted and asked for another chance, to which I said yes.   He asked if I had met someone else the weekend we were apart and I reluctantly confessed about this kiss.  We have been together 7 months since and things have been very rocky.  He does NOT trust me now, and has even brought it up numerous times about that kiss (which was a weak moment for 2 hurt people).  He has even told me that he has no plans to "move forward" in our relationship, nor can he ever love me now with this event in our "collective history".  He has become controlling and won't even allow me to get together with my girlfriends, who have since disappeared in my life.  I am supposed to spend every moment with him, yet he makes it known that he will not be moving forward with me and plans for us to separate by the end of the year.  I am extremely close to his parents and they have no idea what is happening, in fact his mom makes comments about her wishing us to get married.  He is also in the process of purchasing a new home, to which he has had me involved in the whole process, but makes it known that he will be living there alone.   I care for him a lot, but I am so confused as to what to do.  Am I being emotionally abused?  He controls my every move and threatens "break up" if I don't do what he wants.  He wants to spend all our free time together, yet lets me know it is not long-term.  I want to walk away sometimes, but somehow he has made it so he will be just fine to walk away, but I feel left hanging by a thread and am afraid to leave.  I have no friends left, and no hobbies and no life anymore since his "reign".  Help!  What are your thoughts?

Answer
Kim,
I am very confused....why are you staying in this relationship again? You have some weakness issues that you need to get dealt with before you get into ANY relationship. To let someone treat like this shows me that you should not be in any relationship at all. Please leave now and work on yourself to figure out why you would tolerate this behavior from someone you supposedly love. It's not like it will get any better is it?
David
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