Expert: Nafeesah - 7/15/2009

Question
i have been in an abusive relationship for many years. i have been with this man for 13 years, it is physical and verbal abuse.  He does not like me to go anywhere by myself really unless with him or he will send children to watch everything i do.  He accusses me of everything from cheating to leaving work having a rondevou you name it i have been accussed of it.  I find myself always having to explaine and tell him i didnt do that at which he does not believe. He will say he wants to leave because he thinks i cheat or cannot stand when he does not know where i am going and what is going on at all times so i feel guilty because he feels this way about me when i know i have not done anything.  He calls be stupid, retarded and bitch all the time.  The way he talks to me makes me furious when i then hold anomosity which i am not affectionate to him.  I thought i had a problem but i learned how he makes me feel does not permit me to be affectionate to him.  This is his biggest problem with me.  The other night after he was abusive to me and verbally abusive while drunk he tried to act like the next day nothing happened and after approaching me for sex several times with me just laying there he said he does not want to be with me anymore.  I feel bad now as if it is my fault for being upset but actually he never apologized sincerelly only while in the act of sex.  Now i feel bad that it has been more than a week no talking and talk of divorce

Answer
Please take the next step as a woman and get out of this marriage because you don't need to be with this idiot no more.If a man can sit there and degrade and humiliate you like you're nothing it's time for you to raise up like a real woman and kick his behind to the curb. You should never tolerate that kind of disrespect and the only way you'll start clean is to get out of this marriage and begin to heal from the abuse and over time meet men who are going to treat you right. You can get out of this by seeking help from trusted family and friends ones who know that this guy you're with is a jerk and to start building on your new life for yourself and your children. Do this not only for you but for your kids they don't need to see their mother being abused this is how a new generation and cycle of abuse continues when it's manifested through the children either as abusers or abusees.