Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 7/5/2009

Question
I manipulate a guy and find his soft spots, i find out what in their past life really affected them and use it later on against them. I have told myself that its not right. I hit my boyfriend, i tell him the worst this i can think of and i just cant stop. When i see that he is crying or he is hurt because of me, it satisfies m. I get angry at anything. The worst problem that i ahve is that i dont want him looking at ANYONE not anyone but me... and if he would id hit him. The guy im with i really love and since i love him i dont want to hurt him. I told him everything i do like i tell him that i try to control myself but i cant help it be abusive. I told him to please leave me because i new he can find someone better than me. He did not want to so he said he will help me and that he knows that with in time i can change. But i cant i cant i cant. I noticed that i need attention, i love it. And if i dont get it from him i will abuse him. Am i mentaly ill? Do i need help? Should i not date anymore?

Answer
Dear Ruby

First, replace the word "can't" with "won't" in your sentences. Obviously you have a lot of relationship issues, primarily you have to be in control and be mean to people before they abuse you. Since you believe you are a victim and unlovable you treat people that way before they start being mean to you.  Quit being a victim and start being nice to people. It is that simple.