Expert: Nafeesah - 7/31/2009

Question
Hi, first of all thanks for taking the time to read this. I really need some help to get us through this. My wife and I have been married for 7 years now, and we have 4 kids for the past 6 years of the 7 years I was the only provider for our family. I take that back my wife had a child care running out of our home for 2 years. Last november I had quit my job as a executive to persue her dream of opening up. A restaurant. She had always told me that she wish we could spend time more as a family. So I did it for her.  My wife has always had a bad attitude and likes to verbally abuse me. Since we got the restaurant her attitude got much much worst. She began treating me like a employee and tell me things in front of her family and workers to make me feel little. She says I don't help her with anything but all I do each and every day is to help her with anything she wants me to do. We used to fight about once a month now we fight every other day. It always starts the same...ill ask her why are you so mean to me or why don't you give me any attention. Then a big fight would break out. You see I don't think I'm a bad husband or a bad father, I live each day to please my wife and family. The past 6 years I did every thing I could to get to where I was with no support physically or mentally from my wife every thime I get a promotion she would talk down to me. When all I'm trying to do is to give my family the life and childhood I never had. For the past 4 years out of the 7 we have been living in million dallor homes and gated communities. Places that I could only dream of in the past. But yet it seems like nothing I do is good enough for the one person that I care most about. Please help!!!!!!!!!  I can't take this fo much longer. At times I even have thoughts of ending my life.

Answer
Phil,

I am going to say this, but your wife has no idea how good she has it. How many good men like yourself give up the high paying jobs so that the woman they love can pursuit her dream in something. Not many guys like you are out there who have provided a comfortable and stable life for their wives and partners, but it sounds to me like your wife is unappreciative and ungrateful because you didnt have to do what you did. I would have been thinking about making some changes and one of them is leaving because if your wife is verbally abusing you imagine what your kids see when she's doing that to their father. This is not only wrong, but why would you want to stay with someone who treated you like you didnt matter. You're a good man, but never accept abuse because it only devalues you later on down the line. To be truthfully honest with you and that is you can do better than to be with someone who does not appreciate you and your wife will learn the hard way when she doesnt have a husband to come home to. You're not going to want to stay married to someone who's like this and the kids need a functional parent who's not acting like this and sounds to me like you are handling your business and if you're finding yourself fighting on a regular basis then it's time  to make some serious decisions in terms of your future in this marriage. I would hate for you to stay with someone who's not going to treat you like the partner you are in this marriage. I would seriously think about this and come to a decision that will benefit you down the line.