Expert: Nafeesah - 8/3/2009

Question
Hi,
My wife has given me a life long sentence for something I am totally innocent of doing. In 1989 she went to the police & made the outrageous accusation I threatened to harm her & our children. Since I do not do drugs of any kind , am not on any type Psychotic medications & have a Normal Psychology I can say with great confidence that not only did I not speak such words "These kind of disturbing thoughts have never permeated my mind". I have absolutely no memory of what hour, day, week, month & absolutely no memory of the location or circumstances of this allegedly threat occuring. I am innocent of such a malicious accusation. Since she calls a "Threat" as Abuse , she called me an Abuser. I only learned of this alleged threat in 1999 (10 years later). Even tho I discussed this with her , she will not acknowledge that she has made a mistake. To the contrary , She repeated this alleged threat to the Police again in 1999, 2000 to imply this alleged threat is re-occuring when in Reality "NO SUCH THREATENING WORDS WERE EVER SPOKEN".  This accusation is taking a huge toll on our relationship.. I find it difficult to show love & respect to some who is willing to repeat such an "Insane & outrageus accusation" & considers me to be an Abuser...  Her unwillingness to admit that she is wrong in making such an accusation. This accusation is taking a Toll on my Psychology... She states we live in a society where there is freedom of speech & she has the right to make any accusation she deems to be true. I have always thought that along with free speech comes accountability. This accusation cannot be proven but yet she is willing to repeat it. (The Police cannot press charges because you cannot be charged with an unproveable accusation --THANK GOD)-- Is her actions Abusive  or is it the actions of someone who has possible Mental issues  ????
James

Answer
Not only does this seem like there's long standing and possibly undiagnosed mental issues, but she's also abusive as well. I would seriously look at getting out of this relationship because this does not sound healthy for you to continue dealing with this. She has no reason to accuse you of anything that isnt proven that you had done. Sounds to me like you're ready to walk away from this because it's stressing you out and you don't need that in your life. I would move forward and begin to get on with your life so you can have some kind of peace for yourself and establish a relationship with someone who's not constantly accusing you for things that can't be proved.