Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 8/1/2009

Question
Thursday morning, I am waiting to go to surgery to unlblock my tubes so my husband and I can have a child. I see a message on his phone while getting glasses from counter it reads, Thomas why arent you here  ( meaning work)from the day before. So I go in and ask him yesterday when i tried to reach you and you said you were in a meeting your boss text you and asked where you were? He got really pissed and said I was annoying him by asking and told me to go fuck myself. Then told me I should get on some pills or try someting new because everytime I speak it gets on his fucking nerves. I was so hurt and upset I went to slap him but didnt he then grabbed me by my throat slammed me into the door and asked who I thought I was then threw me over a kennel and onto the bathroom floor. I layed there neck spasming and shoulder blade exploding with pain. He then stood over me and said we arent having surgery today there is no point in us having kids untill you turn into the cool Christina. Once he realized I was badly hurt he tried to pick me up and said quit being dramatic get up but then realized I really had some trouble helped and put me on the bed. Then he would not help me get up because my neck was spasming and told me I shouldnt get up anyway if my neck hurt. After a while of begging him to help me and no response I finally managed to get up by pulling off the head board bars. I had my surgery anyway after apologizing and begging for forgiveness for questioning his where abouts the day before. I now have no feeling in the back of my neck( could be pinched nerve) and my right shoulder blade is badly swollen and bruised up. This is not the first time but it is the first time I got fed up with the put downs of being nothing and crazy if I have an emotion he does not want to discuss that I made an attempt to slap him ( I knew what would happen) so am I now deserving of this scenario? My judgement feels off, I have no confidence and no trust in my feelings or perceptions. Please help me.

Answer
Dear  Christina,

I empathize with you.

I  believe that your  husband needs  counseling. Only then  he  will be made aware of   what went  wrong where.

Regarding your scenario, your words  show that you are  deeply wounded inside. Actually the problem  here is  shallow love. I wonder if your husband  is able to show you  love from the heart regularly inspite of his weaknesses.

If physical and verbal   abuse continues in your life , then  you  may have to think of separation. Life is  to live  not to battle.

Consult your family physical the  earliest for  the numbness you experience  on your neck area

I pray for you

-Dr.Sunu Sundar