Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 8/31/2009

Question
QUESTION: im with a guy im crazy about for over a year now. he has a bad past in relation to women and cheating. A crazy ex of his spread rumours that he hit her and the whole town knows about it while all the while she still txts himtelling him she wants him sexually etc.  He is known for his temper in matches and i have seen it first hand. He has never hit me but if we have a fight he loses the plot and screams at the top of his lungs hurling abuse at me. He has grabbed my arm in the past, and many times has refused to leave my house when we are fighting and he is going off on a tantrum and even pushes the door to get in. Today we had a fight where he absolutely lost the plot and i said nothing and cried and when my lift was outside and i tried to leave he grabbed me and wouldnt let me go. I dont know what to do because hes never hurt me but because of his past and what has been said and his temper im scared things could get worse in the future. I love him so much i dont know what decision to make. please help im so confused

ANSWER: Dear Grace

Violence never gets better. If he is being physical now, it will get worse. I can only advise you to break up with him and deal with that rather than be seriously hurt later.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: do you think what he did was bad enough to leave him? it is very rare he has been in any way physical but i just was frightened today considering his past and his short fuse, im not saying this in fear i just need to know im making the right decision. i really do love him but im well aware thats not enough.

Answer
Dear Grace

I would not allow any violence in any of my relationships. That is absolutely prohibited in my book. It is up to you, but if he doesn't think he has a problem it is only a matter of time until you are a potential punching bag. Good luck.