Expert: Nafeesah - 8/30/2009

Question
You might not be able to help me, but I don't know who to ask!!!

I let my ex move in with me in January because he was HOMELESS, living ON THE STREETS.
I felt sorry for him, I was also in a financial bind and I was desperate for a roommate to help me financially.

2..4..6 months came and went, he never found a job, and cost me more money than I had to take care of both of us.

I am a full time college student, the part time job I had I lost because I was so stressed I did a poor job and I wasn't good at it to begin with (fast food.)

My mom, who lives in Alabama, is moving to Georgia (where I live) to help me.
But says that "my leech," who is originally from New York, will have to find somewhere else to go because she can't support and take care of him.

He told me that if I kick him out, he will kill himself!! Which is why I have not kicked him out before.

I feel like I am responsible for him.

Please, what do I do??? I feel like I am a terrible person if I send him back out into the streets!!!

I shouldn't have to make these decisions, I'm only 20 years old!!!

*CRY!!!!!*

Answer
Kayla,

At 20 years old someone like you should not be responsible for supporting a grown man who's capable of getting a job. After 6 months he should have had something lined up because it's clear it's becoming a financial burden to have him living up in your house and he's being inconsiderate by imposing himself longer than he should. If you lost your job as a result of the stress from him being there it's time you asked him to leave. You're not a terrible person for kicking him out because why are you terrible for that? You can't take care of him and it's not your responsibility to do so. Your ex saying he'll kill himself if you kick him out is just a ploy to keep staying. You can kick him out because he's not helping to pay rent and he's just looking to mooch off someone. If he won't leave you can legally have him evicted by issuing him a 7 day notice and he has to find other accomodations. I would also keep your options for legal removal as well because once his things are removed he can't return to your home and don't feel bad it's nothing personal, but you can't support him. If he starts in on the suicide if he gets kicked out stick to your guns because it's your house and your rules and if he's not living like a roommate by paying rent he can't stay there. Plus you're not in a relationship with this guy anymore it sounds like things have been over with you and this guy for some time. Issue a short notice in writing letting him know that he's got to vacate your home in 7 days if not he will be removed by the police and notify your local police of procedure in having someone removed from your home if you've asked them to leave. Either way it's time for your ex to get out so you can finish school and take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty for kicking this guy out you can't take care of him and it's time to take care of you.