Expert: Nafeesah - 8/31/2009

Question
I have been married for nearly 3yrs been together for nearly 4 yrs, I guess I knew he had a volatile temper, just thought well he's just like me, until I got help for mine, it was as simple as a hormone balance, so now I realize how bad his temper is, its little things that get to him, he just can't stand things going wrong he has high expectations of my children, which obviously they don't manage to acheieve. I've tried telling him how I feel, but he doesn't do anything about it,he is snappy, puts me down, doesn't like me being happy, locks himself away in his room and does his own thing whenever he's not at work the only time he makes an effort with me is when my children go to their dads every other wkend.

He is possessive, jealous,controlling and very difficult to please, I've given up trying to do that and stand up to him now.

Answer
Jane,

Sounds to me like your husband is a micromanager. This is one of the most toxic type of personalities around. Micromanagers have unrealistically high expectations of those around them and if he's expecting your kids to be perfect you may need to seriously look at this relationship a little closer because you don't want your kids to take on inappropriate and toxic behavior. Micromanaging causes more problems than good and micromanaging causes added stress to relationships both family and even marriage/dating relationships. I would consider this a toxic relationship and it's not healthy for you and your kids and the fact that you have a big decision to make and that is either stay and deal with the nonsense or pick up with the kids and move on. You deserve better than this nonsense because jealous, controlling and possessive is abusive behavior that your kids don't need to see or be around.