Expert: Nafeesah - 9/12/2009

Question
I was married for almost a year to a man who got progressively more and more abusive, ending up in seriously harming me physically. He never apologized and said he was "disciplining me".  He seemed very unhappy in the marriage, but was very possessive and controlling. He's been in jail for the past year, and just got out a few weeks ago.  I haven't heard anything from him at all.  I don't want to, and I eventually want to divorce him.  My question is, should I be relieved that he hasn't gotten in touch with me, or should I be worried?  How likely is he to just show up at my house and try to hurt me?  Or is that generally preceded by some form of contact?  I know you can't predict the future, but I'm hoping you can identify a pattern... Thank you so much!

Answer
Don't say eventually.....go and file the paperwork and also file a restraining order against him at the same time. NEVER second guess the mentality of an abuser, not only is that their mental state is unstable, but you will be surprised that many women are often killed by abusive partners especially ones that have been incarcerated. You must protect your own safety and the safety of those closest to you. If he hasnt gotten in touch with you consider yourself lucky and please after you read this go to your local courthouse and file the divorce papers the sooner you do the better and file a restraining order at the same time so he can't contact you or show up to your home. He could show up at anytime and also make sure that the restraining order is plugged in with the conditions of his parole so if he shows up or contacts you he can be found in contempt of parole and can return to jail to serve time. He should have walked away if he wasnt happy being married to you, but the abuse is uncalled for.