Expert: Nafeesah - 9/2/2009

Question
I am in a distant relationship with a boy, who proposed me in a very aggressive way say "Say yes otherwise you dont have any other option"I knew him for three years at that time and I really did like him for his nice behavior. But after the day I said yes to him his behavior did changed in beginning he was very caring but he uses to raise baseless issues. And from the very first week We had big fight and later on there was a series of fights. after two weeks he told me that he is a psycho and I have to bear with him. He also begged me to help him in improving his condition. I am very affectionate and loving and polite person by nature I took pitty on him and decided to take this challenge. He had a swear problem to get angry on petty issues and start abusing. he always felt insecure and anxious. I gave him all my love and made him contented and satisfied I never left alone for a single time which results very good and he became a bit relaxed. But after this point he started staying so relaxed and careless that he made me feel neglected. later I came to know that he is having an affair with someone else, I love him so much that I did not say anything to him thinking that he is happy. but he said bunddles of sorries to me and left that lady.
His behavior became very ill after that he even abuses me If i leave him he beg and says he will die without me, if i stay with him when he abuses me he says that I am senceless person. He blame me that I have made him this mad. later he says sorry saying that I have to bear with him.
He never bear or ignore even a single mistake. He never likes me to ignore him.
He ,makes fun of my feelings. He says that I always use famous romantic daialogs etc etc
He is a big abuser. Now he often says that If he would leave me at any stage the reason would be I. I am scared
But At the end of the Day I LOVE HIM I cant think of living without him.
He says I should live life according to him. Sir, I tried by all means but he always remains unhappy and remains pasamistic about our future. He neither leaves me nor he is living happy life with me     
But still I love him and wants to live with him in a normal mannar. plz suggest me what to do>>> how can i Handle this situation??????


Answer
I would not accept a marriage proposal from someone who acted like this guy it's like he's forcing you to accept his proposal of marriage. If this guy is admitting he's mentally unstable it's time to get out of this because this is the classic behavioral signs of an abusive relationship. This is not healthy and you can do better and he's already abusing you by being demanding and pushy. If he's talking about taking his life if you leave him that's a sign of mental unstability. He's saying that to make you feel guilty so you'll stay don't fall for that nonsense.You can love someone all you want, but if they're behaving in an unstable manner do you really think this is healthy for you? If he's getting riled up over being ignored then you really have a problem on your hands because this can turn into severe abusive behavior.I don't think that you should continue to be with this guy because the behavior can turn into physical violence later and he's got you locked on the mental and emotional abuse right now which is a gradual process and usually that involves braimwashing and other tactics to keep you around. If this guy is also negative about your future together then you definetly don't want to be with him you can do better.