Expert: David Simonsen - 1/8/2010

Question
My live-in boyfriend of three years has been estranged from his parents for over 2 years and for very good reason. He basically wrote them a letter and stated the facts of a lifetime of emotional and physical abuse from both parents. He asked them to get help and then they could resume a relationship in the future. They have consistently used other people to gain information on my boyfriend and to send messages over the past two years. I have a teenage daughter who has seen them maybe twice in the past three years and does not really know them at all. His parents have no relationship with her whatsoever. They never formed a relationship with me either as they were upset that he had moved on with his life with me. The day after Christmas this year, my boyfriend recieved a voicemail from his mother that she planned on sending my daughter a Christmas card with a gift certificate. It took ten days for the card to arrive (we know it's a one day USPS turnaround in our area). My daughter refuses to open the card as she wants no part of it. The card sits on the counter like an eye sore. I see it as yet another form of manipulation and this time my daughter is being used as the tool to get access to their son. My boyfriend is bewildered and I'm not happy that they are using my daughter as an avenue to manipulate him. Do we "return to sender" or what do we do?


Answer
K,
If your daughter doesn't want a relationship then return to sender. If your boyfriend is truly wanting to keep the relationship cutoff until they get help then you all need to keep info you share with people to a minimum.
David
www.help4life.net