Expert: David Simonsen - 1/19/2010

Question
Hi, my name is Lucy, and I would really appreciate some advice. About a year ago I was in a very abusive relationship. I am still in contact with my former partner, [Patrick] for reasons that I find hard to explain to my current partner, [Pete]. Patrick was my first love, we were together for 3 years, and the relationship was highly passionate, we fought and broke up almost daily, making up and getting back together seemed to be the whole point of our love. Only in the last 6 months of the relationship did it get violent. He would attack me for no reason. Keep me locked in his room while he was at work. On more than one occassion he tried to kill me. Eventually I did get out of the relationship, and started to see Pete, who I had loved for 5 years previous and during my relationship with Patrick. Pete had never felt the same as me before but he realised his feelings and we became a couple. It was our one year anniversary last week. Since then, I have been in contact with Patrick. We get on well, flirt, talk about our old sex life, he makes me laugh and vice versa. I am terrified to tell him about my new relationship, and I can't make Pete understand this. He knows that this relationship was abusive etc, but I can't make him understand that I worship the ground he walks on, and I will never go back to Patrick. Could you please help me?
Yours, Lucy.

Answer
Lucy,
This is actually sick behavior. You need to see a therapist immediately. If you are unable to immediately cut this relationship off you need to get help. There is no use in keeping on with the abuser unless you are trying to hurt your current BF.
David
www.help4life.net