Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 1/24/2010

Question
I'm in a long distance relationship. The last time I saw my boyfriend, we were joking around and I made fun of something that he liked. He hit me in a playful, childish way and told me not to say something like that. I was a little shocked and said with some reproach, "You hit me..." He replied, "yes because you were making fun of -whatever it is we were talking about. I don't remember-.

Now, if a friend had done that to me, I'd have thought nothing of it. In fact, once the subject dropped I did think nothing of it until I read an article about abusive relationships yesterday. He's a really sweet guy and there are no other signs that he's abusive. He didn't hit me hard at all or aggressively. It was more like a little slap on the arm, but since I was a child I've always been told to never put up with a man that hits me, to leave if he hits me just once, to analyze everything a man does so that you don't miss red flags.

So what's your take on this? Innocent or cause for concern?

Answer
Dear Tanya

If you made it clear to him that you do not allow that sort of behavior, and he did it again, it could be abusive. If he meant it playfully and that is how you perceived it as well, forget about it. You may want to work it into a conversation at some point, that you don't appreciate it under any circumstances.