Expert: Nafeesah - 12/2/2010

Question
Hello. I am a very concerned big brother. My sister has been in a rocky relationship with her boyfriend for the past 5 years. She is a 22 year old, in college, about to graduate and feeling the stress of the transition to adulthood. Her boyfriend has no family, no education, or job prospects and is VERY controlling over my sister. He instigates petty squabbles with her that leave her emotionally crazed. They fight often and, of course, she continues to be in the relationiship with him in hopes that one day he will change.

He calls her on her cell phone, asking proding questions about who she is with, demanding that she tells him where she will be and who she will be with at all times.

I have had enough of the bullshit between these two. All I ever see her is in constant emotional pain whenever the subject of her boyfriend comes up. And it looks like she has grown very strong feelings for him despite how badly he treats her. I had hopes that she would smarten up and quit the relationship and find someone that will really appreciate her and treat her good, but it looks like she is too scared to quit the relationship because it is her first long term one and she's afraid she'll never find someone else to be with. She does not deserve this loser, but how do I convince her of that? How the heck do I get through to her and help her realize that this idiot is only dragging her life down and he will never change? Please Help!

Answer
As someone who was in an abusive relationships it's hard to get through to someone who's currently being abused. Many women don't want to believe that the man they love is not going to hurt them and that's what people like you see past. As her brother you're seeing that she needs to leave and dump this loser and get with someone who treats her right and isnt mistreating her. I would consider an intervention with close friends and family to address this serious problem.