Expert: David Simonsen - 2/1/2010

Question
I was involved with a man who was very abusive towards myself for 3 years. He had 2 childern who spent weekends with us, and I loved those kids more then anything in this world. A part of me felt I needed to stay because of the kids. Eventually after 3 years I did leave, it still hurts me so much knowing that I walked out on those kids. Its now over 3 years later, I have a wonderful fiance who treats me amazing. Were getting married in 4 months and everything seems to be settling into a relatively good life. For some reason though my fiance and I can seem to so easily get into little arguements over nothing. One minute were rashingly discussing something and the next minute im swearing, and yelling and so so angry. He gets so upset when I swear at him, but I really don't know why I get so angry, and I dont know how to control this. I have talked to a few different therapists over the years but I have such a hard time talking to people face to face and really telling them whats going on. Is there anything to I can do, to really face my anger and learn a new better way to deal with this. I cant help but feel that somehow my anger is related to my past abusive relationship. I was never like this before and I come from a really good family.

Answer
Kayley,
You and your fiancee need to seek out pre-marital counseling. This would be with a person trained to help you with communication issues. If you don't get this figured out with someone I would suggest that you don't marry. This is something that is really important and if you don't get it figured out now it will come to be a problem in your future marriage.
David
www.help4life.net