Expert: David Simonsen - 2/10/2010

Question
Two years ago,on the 3rd night after our marriage, my husband smacked me with his hands several times on my face. He got on top of me and covered my mouth and nose and tried to sit on my face. I couldn't breathe and thought he was going to kill me. As a result, I had a black eye, a bruised cheek, and an internal scratch in my right eye. This happened at my husband's parents place, and they did not step up or take my side. Rather, next morning, my husband asked me to apologize to his mom for screaming when he was hitting me. And I did as was told - I apologized.  

My husband said he was sorry and asked me not to tell my family about the episode. I willingly conceded as I was too embarrassed to tell anybody. For two years I buried this dark secret inside me and did not tell a single soul about this incident.

Two months back, he raised his hand at my face and threatened to hit me again in front of my mother. I eventually broke down, and told my mother of the prior incident, because I was scared. My mother was shocked to learn this and told him sternly to never raise his hand at me again. Never ever.

Two weeks ago, we had an argument over a minor issue. The argument was because I did not do something as was told by him. Anyway, that evening, I came back from work after an exceptionally long day, and had to start work early morning the next day. I wanted to talk about the argument in a congenial and mature way. During our discussion, things got heated up again, and he started calling me names. I quietly left the house, did an errand and quietly came back home. When I came back home, he had thrown our mattress on the staircase and the sheets were lying on the floor. He started calling me names again, I tried to leave, but he took the car keys from me, and held my legs so that i couldn't leave. He started hitting himself, threw things around and broke a wall by throwing a chair. I got scared, called his mom to tell on him. This obviously upset him more, as he loomed in my face and started swearing really bad. I couldn't take it anymore, and wanted him to come to his senses. So I slapped him 3-4 times in the face. He hit me again. The same style, slaps on my face, and I fell to the ground under the force. He again covered my face and blocked my mouth and nose.

He has moved out of the house ever since. But he is not remorseful or shameful of his actions. He never was. All I know is that I don't ever want to be hit again. I already feel traumatized, and want to get a divorce. Please advise.

Answer
You should be calling the police to report his behavior if he does it again. Don't resort to abusing him. I would also encourage you to not have any kids with him, because this relationship is not fair to any kids you may or may not have.
David
www.help4life.net