Expert: David Simonsen - 2/12/2010

Question
I met my partner 8 years ago - we had a very rocky start as we were both attached to other people. I was never quite physically attracted to him - but he was kind and attentive - a 'nice' guy - and i had always been attracted to arrogant men previously. My concern is my partners explosive temper (not seen early on in the relationship) and most recently silent treatment - I feel that I just don't like him - I don't like talking to him, being affectionate and especially the thought of sex with him makes me feel gross - even though he is an attentive lover. Other people see him as gentle and friendly and helpful - I have only confided in one friend regarding his behaviour - and he thinks we should try counsulling. We have 2 sons and he is always angry with them -over the top angry - they are a handful but it doesn't help to be yelled at. He has commented on my looks over the years - especially how I have 'aged' and how women my age are past their 'use by date' - then apologises if I feel upset about such comments. He comes from a stable home (I don't - and suffered abuse as a child - physical, sexual, verbal......) - and I wonder if I am the problem at times - especially sexually - I have had counselling in the past. I guess it just comes down to the fact that I don't like him - I don't enjoy being around him and I can't stand the yelling at our kids and the nit picking......I just don't know what to do. I feel that seeing a counsellor is a waste of time because I don't see myself growing old with him - it makes me feel awful to think I will be with him for the rest of my life. I am a stay at home parent - and plan to return to some form of paid work next year.

Answer
Andrea,
I think at a minimum you should be staying in the home until your children are out of the home. Your focus should be on them and keeping things as stable as you can for them. If you can do this then life will probably be somewhat tolerable for you in the years to come.
David
www.help4life.net