Expert: Nafeesah - 5/3/2010

Question
Can you help? my partner and I have been dating for 6 years, we have never lived together..he has never been married and does not want to,we live apart because prior to my buying a condo he had asked me to move in many times, I never have because he treats me badly, he only sleeps with me once every month and a half to two months, I love him very much, but there is no physical contact and he is either angry at me for doing something wrong or he is out doing his own thing...I am attractive I have kept my body in shape but still nothing, i have talked to him about it so many times and it is either my fault of he promises things will change, I spend most of my time alone because he does not like me going out, I just can;t figure out why I can 't leave, there is never even any make up sex, he seems to prefer porn..I don;t know why I love him, he can be very mean..I am 46 years old with a good job, why can't I just get out we don't even live together.? I should ad that I am an administrative support person for our company's family violence team..so you see why I think there is something really wrong with me, I know better but can;t break from him, he has controlled our entire relationship and I have let him, can you help me break my heart away from him? thankyou for being on this site and helping people in my situation.

Answer
If you've been dating for 6 years and your boyfriend has shown NO interest in getting married that's a sign it's time for you to move on with your life. Don't stay in a relationship that's not going to do you much good in the end and you're 46 years old I know you want to settle down and make a life with someone other than to just continue to date someone. Its hard to break the cycle of abuse and to fully detach yourself from someone who has abused you to the degree that you can't find it within yourself to leave and to move on. If he's made a lot of promises to change and you havent seen it look at it for what it is he's not changing. I tell this to women I know a lot and that is if the man hasnt changed because he wants to he's not going to change. There's some things about my own boyfriend I've come to accept that he's not going to change and I am very close to ending the relationship after nearly a year and a half. You can only deal with so much before it's time to sever ties and moving on with your life. You deserve better than this guy and don't stay with someone who does not treat you right and find a man who's ready to commit to you the way you deserve to be committed to.