Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 6/22/2010

Question
I posted this question before but the person I picked couldn't answer it for some reason. I know you can't, nor do I expect you to, solve all of my problems for me. I'm just looking for some advice, some tips, someone to point me in the right direction and help me on what some things I can say to my mother might be. I'm not going to blame anyone for trying if it doesn't work. So, please, just try to answer my question rather than refusing to and putting it in the pool where all I can do is pray someone will pick it up. I'm going to cut and paste it below, thank you so much:

Hi, my name is Karin and I'm less than 2 months out of an abusive marriage of 4 years. My problem, aside from all of the emotional and physical recovery necessary after a situation like this, is that my mother has told me (starting almost 2 years ago) that she does not want to hear about my ex-husband. I know she has a lot of anger and resentment toward me b/c I didn't leave right away, when she told me to, that I went back to him a few times etc. She's angry b/c she says I didn't think of my 3 year old son or what it would do to him (when he was one of the reasons I tried so hard to make it work and keep my family together). The last time I left him it was after he'd pushed me out our front door causing me to trip over my things, which he'd been flinging out said front door and fall halfway down a flight of concrete stairs. I called the police (for the first time), he went to jail and I went home. I understand where she's coming from and how she feels. But how can I get her to understand it isn't as easy as she thinks it is? She's NEVER been in a situation even remotely like mine (or so many other women's) so I'm hoping it's lack of education on domestic/verbal/emotional/physical abuse, etc, that's causing her to be so self-righteous. But she also doesn't see that I'm not the same woman I was 4 years ago and I really, really need her and I need some support from her. She's angry with and not very nice to me almost all the time. She even looks and talks to me with such disdain it breaks my heart. Is there anything I say to her or show her or whatever that might help her understand that I feel real, real worthless, low, like a failure, like a bad wife, mother, daughter who's undeserving of love, a good man or a good life as it is and her refusal to even try to be supportive and encouraging of me is only making me feel 100 times worse, espeically b/c she's my mother? I really hope you can help me b/c I went home to my mother's when I left my ex-husband but that house hasn't felt like my home in a long time and I've felt very alone and dismissed by most of my family.
Thank you for trying to help me and thank you for all of the people I know you've helped already. I admire you and the work you do here is really wonderful.
Thank you,
Karin

Answer
Dear Karin,

Greetings and peace be with you.

I understand you need love and  support from your mom.This  is  normal.Your mom perhaps is unable to  fulfill your 'expectations' even though these are  obligations  for  her towards her child!.

Counseling is needed  for your mom,but she is not aware of  her needs too???! This means that you cannot change your mom. The change has to begin from you.

I  suggest you-

1)Seek the  love of God  to fill in you  through daily  diligent prayers

2)Repent to God for all your sins and wrong  doings and walk live a life of holiness

3)Read  God's words in Bible daily for 30 minutes  atleast

4) Every 7 days  resort to  fasting prayers

5)Ask God to help you  lean on Him(God) rather than the love of humans

6) Practice detachment of  persons, things, places  and ideas

7) Adhere to ideas, concepts and directions that are of  Bible and  Holy  Scriptures

I BET YOUR  MIND WILL  EXPERIENCE  PURE JOY AND PEACE AND   YOU  WILL  NOT WANT  ANY ONE'S LOVE AND    CARE ONCE YOU INITIATE SERIOUS  FOLLOWING OF THE ABOVE   SAID

Have  a nice day