Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 8/1/2010

Question
I have been married to an emotionally abusive husband for 4 years. He is currently working to change with no avail. The problem is is that I won't open up to him and tell him how I feel or what's bothering me untill its too late and I want to explode.I did open up once and he walked out on me saying he couldn't deal with it. He grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive environment where when something is bothering you, you yell it at them and it turns into a huge fight and people storm out. I grew up on a farm where if something bothers you you deal with it or shove it aside, there is work to be done. What I'm wondering is if the problems we are having are my fault for not opening up and letting him know what's wrong untill its too late?

Answer
Dear Steph

It sounds like both of you need counseling. I would not say that you are entirely at fault, his walking out is not a mature way of handling conflict. You both need help in discovering ways of communicating with each other in a non-threatening way. Good luck.