Expert: David Simonsen - 9/23/2010

Question
Hi there.  I don't know if you can help me with this one but there's no one in the other categories to ask and I'm hoping you'll be able to.  I broke up with my ex, Jack, over a year ago.  He was emotionally abusive and after we broke up became sexually abusive during the periods that we were trying to get back together.  He was controlling, obsessive, and cruel.  We would go weeks without speaking and always he would find a way to get ahold of me again, despite having a girlfriend.  Our "working it out" periods always ended with me having a fit about him lying, sleeping around, or just being disrespectful and telling him to leave me alone again.  
Now, this whole time, I've slowly been falling for his best friend, Dan.  He and I have always gotten along well since Jack and I started dating.  Dan and I have fooled around and every onece in awhile he'll make comments hinting that he does like me...but otherwise he practically ignores me.  I think most of this has to do with Jack threatening him and freaking out anytime Dan or I have mentioned the each other.
Lately, however, Jack has been strange.  We recently started getting along again and even though he's still attracted to me and misses me, says that I deserve to be happy and if it's with Dan, so be it.  He says he's "known" all along but didn't know for sure until I admitted it a month ago and says he might as well get over it.  He went so far as to hint to Dan that there's nothing between me and him anymore and has been offering to help clear things up so that Dan doesn't think he's angry anymore about it.  Honestly, it's freaking me out.  Granted, once I start testing his limits and mention anything more than "I like him" Jack starts saying, "Yeah, yeah, anyway, I don't know." But shouldn't a man who was so possessive and abusive, a man who would regularly call me, yelling to go ahead and have his best friend and to never talk to him again...shouldn't he be angry?  Or at least not want to be involved in any of it?  He says it's because I've been single since he and I broke up last year and he knows how picky I am and that if I found someone I actually like, he'd rather I date his buddy than "a douchebag who'll treat you badly."

A friend suggested he's just doing this to keep me in his life because he knows he can't do it any other way, at least not significantly.  Or could he (for once) actually be trying to repay me for all he put me through before?

Answer
Leigh,
Seriously, should you even really be dating. If what you say is true your ex committed several crimes against you and you get going back to him. Then without really any time in between you start fixating on a friend who probably has some issues as well. I REALLY think you need to get things straight in your head before you get into another relationship. Your ex isn't repaying you most likely. Who really knows what he and his buddy have discussed about you.
Anyway, I don't think you should be dating AT ALL. You should seek out a therapist who can help you get strong so you don't experience crimes like you describe committed against you again.
David
www.help4life.net