Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 9/22/2010

Question
Hello.  I have a daughter who will be 19 years old.  In December of 09 she met her very FIRST boyfreind.  She is rather shy and has a difficult time making decisions for herself (about anything)Kinda like a compulsive behavior.  

However, she is rather stubborn too.  She does have certain rules for herself.  1. She will not have sex before marriage.  2. She will not drink alcohol or do any drugs and stays away from parties.  When she met this boy she put that information out in the open.  He seems to respect this "goal" she has.
She doesn't talk to us very often, but when she does it's a flood.  Well, they graduated from high school and now he's going to the college of his choice.  My daughter sort of held back about college.  He's asked her to move in with him at his college, which is 6 states away from us.  She eventually got on board and is attending a local university where we live.  
The problem is this;  He has always been at her side since the day he met her.  He would text her every waking moment he could, and still is right now. She wasn't allowed to hang out with her former freinds who are now "partiers".  She was pressured into not getting a summer job because she may not be available to hang out with him when he got off work. At the HS prom she was looked down on because she was dancing with her girlfreinds. They did have intense discussions about this and I tried to intervene.  I gave her all sorts of information on controlling, abusive relationships and aked her to consider what was going on in hers.  She was very hurt by my actions and seemed to cling to him even more.  Her Dad tried not to get too involved because he absolutely hated this boy and wanted him out of her life. He didn't want to drive her away from us either.  We didn't know what to do. When he left to go to school, he asked her to come with to say goodbye and they drove there and she back with his parents, it took over a week.  For the next three weeks before she started college she didn't phone a freind, hang out with a freind or anything.  
She's purchased a laptop so she can skype with him so they would'nt get so lonely without seeing each other.  In a few weeks she turns 19 and before he left for college he asked if she would come to visit him during her fall break.  I agreed to buy 1/2 the ticket.(why??) One week ago she called me at home hysterical.  She was crying and very depressed because SHE had broken up with him. I was THRILLED!  I did not let her hear the positivness in my voice. I consoled her. She cryed so hard and told me he was questioning her clothes and make-up and wanting to know who she was hanging out with all the time.  He then purchased a separate set of airline tickets for her to fly down to visit him in addition to the ones that were already purchased.  She and I had a long talk and I told her I thought it was best to cancel the ticket I bought.  So I did.  She is now so upset with me, swearing and viscious! She has called me 2x screaming and hanging up. I think he is got his finger wrapped around her even though.. My personal thought is that when she goes down to visit him on the ticket he bought, he will talk her into staying with him. I don't know what to do.  She is of age.  I sent her an e-mail to explain my thoughts. (I told her to grow up and that she's being a baby, irresponsible etc..)I was angry. I feel like talking to his parents, (we aren't close freinds), but when they met and had a long distance relationship and it worked out.  And they think it's ok and "cute".  They think their son is an adult and able to make his own decisions, and they don't find him controlling or a problem.  The thing is, he's really a good kid.  Very likeable.  He may end up being my son in law. I only know that I am her Mother and this boy has a hold on her.  I want him to release this hold and leave her alone.  She shouldn't be controlled by a boy who lives six states away for the next two years.  To worry about if he approves of her on a daily basis.  UGH.
He is NOT a Christian.  He has never been to church.  The thinks they (the family) may have gone to church when he was little.
We have tried to raise our kids in a Christian home. When we talk to him about church stuff he is adverse and has his own opinion, which he has no problem telling you for everything.  
Thank you.




Sounds petty, but I'm desperate.

Answer
Dear Cindy,

I  read your long letter and  am happy that  it  is clear.

I am afraid that  the girl is going to  destroy her future being with  a boy  who does not live in holiness.However if you worry too much about this you will loose your peace. I suggest you to pray  to God to intervene in this  and  'release' your daughter.

THIS IS  A  SPIRITUAL WAR.DO NOT  TRY TO FIGHT   WITH FLESH AND BLOOD  AND SAVE YOUR DAUGHTER.
You need to fast, pray and diligently  seek the Lord for a  speedy  'miracle'

Have  a nice day