Expert: Eugenia Springer, Ph.D. - 10/23/2011

Question
mam  i have left my abusive boyfriend . my plb is  that he keeps on threatning me that he will kill himself. i came to know through different sources like friends and i also did a mistake i called him and he warned me that he will kill himself. he is a depressed prs. when i left him i have told his parents that he had suicidial thought. i am very scared . i dont want all this . plz help.i cannot contact him because it will only create plb for me.

Answer
Priyanka,

Your boyfriend was abusive because you allowed him to take control of you.  The power that is rightfully yours to manage your life, you surrendered to him.  Thankfully, you came to your senses and left the relationship.  Yet he is still trying to control you.  One way the abusive person tries to continue their control is through threats—I would do so and so if you do not do what I want.  Again, thankfully, you are not falling for that.

You did what you should do—you notified his parents.  That is their problem; not yours.

Naturally, you would not like to know that a person is holding you responsible for their existence; but though he might say, as part of his manipulative scheme, that you are responsible, the truth is, you are not.

Ultimately, though we hope he would respect his life, and take hold of his innate strength to get on with his life without behaving like an emotional parasite, none of us can stop him from doing what he is intent on doing.

Just know that regardless of what he does or says, you are not returning to abuse, and you are not responsible for what he does.  You do not owe it to him to do anything more about his threat to commit suicide.  You are responsible for your life.

Take time out to examine how you came to be in such  manipulative relationship, so you would be more careful about future relationships.

Blessings.
es