Expert: Johnny St. Tai - 11/11/2011

Question
For a long time my dad has been an alcoholic. The abusive kind, not the funny kind. Anyway over the past two weeks I finally left him. I moved on, and everything felt good. The problem is my grandma fell and is in the hospital, and I've been trying to avoid her too. Yes I know it sounds like a prick move, but I know how she is. My intuition turned out to be correct, because today when I spoke to my grandma not really having a choice she was all "Oh he feels bad, and he's really lonely without you, and I was just wondering how long you're going to keep this up?"  If he felt bad he would've put the bottle down when I was three years old. I mean I don't know if my grandma is just being senile, clueless, or if she's actually evil in her own way. Either way though she's guilt tripping me, or trying to, and ever since we spoke I can't stop thinking about it. What can I do?

Answer
Guilt is a funny thing- you're feeling it only because you believe there is guilt to be had.
Your grandma is not doing anything wrong- she's doing what most grandmas in her position would do- trying to play the peacemaker- that doesn't mean it is right for you, and it is up to you to figure out why you're feeling the effects of what she said.
For example, you can be a skinny guy, but I call you fat- now, if you know that you are skinny, you'd just laugh it off or call me crazy- but, if you are a little chubby, than that fat statement would hit you alot harder.
I hope this makes sense, but you need to controll your reaction- feel no guilt, and there'll be no guilt.