Expert: Nafeesah - 11/9/2011

Question
mam earlier i haved asked question also. i was in relationship for past 7 years.first we were very good friends and later commitment happened.he was my first love in my lifebt things turned very ugly and started showing all signs of abusive, insecure, extremely sensitive , possessive boyfriend . i was not able to come out of his influence, so after 7 years i got an opportunity and lied to him that i am forcefully engaged, i told the truth to my mom , my mom supported me , his parents begged my parents to stop this engagement and  all . when i cud nt do anything he started threatning me that he will kill himself. i got some valuable advice from some of the expert here , i am really grateful for it. it had been a month , i am not in any form of contact with this boy. bt my plb is mam  now today my one of the friend called his father to tell about his suicidal thought. his father was very angry from him as he was not listening him, when my frd told his father about his suicidal thought ,his father said let him do whatever he wants, apart from that he is doing job ,lives with his parents in different city.my que is that what u can feel are things moving in positive way or he can kill himself, it had been a month , when in a relationship  i have done lots of promises , first i did with sincerity bt later i jst said like this.i promised him that i will never marry anyone else and no one will ever touch me. his major plb is that he still believes that i will keep my promise. i am so scared. i feel so much pressure all 24*7 . what to do .

Answer
Here's what I am going to tell you please take this seriously.....people who are abusive tend to be very manipulative in keeping someone close to them. What you need to do is flat out tell this man that you are not staying with someone who is not going to treat you right. First and foremost your well being comes above all others and you need to take care of yourself before anything else. Don't think that someone who is abusive makes a good spouse because they don't and you deserve better than to deal with that kind of crap in your life. I wouldnt let someone who is abusive manipulate me into staying with them because this is how abusive people control the person they're with by manipulating them and treating them any kind of way. You need to find positive men who treat you with respect and find the self respect of telling this man that you are not going to be treated any kind of way and that you are moving on and if he can't accept that then that's his problem not yours to deal with.