Expert: Cathy Backlund, Life Coach in Abuse & Domestic Violence - 11/27/2011

Question
hello,
 I am A 28 year old female, and  work in the dairy department at a Walmart in Ohio.  Ever since The new store manager started working there, my work life has been a living hell.  He is an extreme perfectionist has very unreasonable expectations.  I consider myself to be a hard worker and am considered a hard worker by others, I have always given my job my 100%  but lately nothing I do seems to be good enough.  I am always being told that I'm not doing everything that I'm required to do. And even though I have bent over backwards trying to do what they want me to do, they will pick my department apart and complain about very petty things.  for example, last night one of my managers complained to me because a few of the coffee creamers were out of place and there was a random item sitting on one of my bunkers.  But the rest of my department which is huge, looked fantastic in my mind.  I don't understand how I am expected to make everything 100% perfect.  How many stores do you walk into and everything is 100% perfect?  but they will not get off my back about it, and even if I try to fix what they want fixed, then they find something else that I did wrong.  They make me feel like I am a failure.  When I protest against their complaints, they pull me in the office and try to brain wash me by telling me that I am too emotional, they tell me that they are just doing their job, They tell me it is all in my head.  They also like to throw it in my face that the store manager walks through my department with them and yells at them, and says mean and nasty things to them.  I don't know what to do anymore.  People that don't understand my situation are always telling me to talk to management about it.  What management? I can't trust any of them.  and from what I hear, I can't trust Walmart's "open door policy" either.  I know there are other people that I work with that feel the same way, but they are too afraid to come forward because they fear retaliation from management, and yes they do retaliate.  They are always violating policies and bending and breaking rules.  I have been putting in applications for other jobs but have had no luck because of my transportation issue (I have driving anxiety).  I am tired of coming home and feeling emotionally and physically sick.  I don't really feel any happiness anymore, I can't enjoy activities that I used to enjoy.  I am always stressed even when I am at home.  What options do I have left?  Would it be the right thing to just quit?
thanks for taking the time to read this.

Answer
Hi Amanda,

Thank you for writing and asking these very good questions. Since I am a Life Coach specialize in abusive relationships and domestic violence education, I may not be the best person to help you with your situation. But sounds as if the upper management is either stressed with the bad economy which can make employee expectations unreasonable or else they are using pressure tactics to get you to quit for some unknown reason. But on the other hand, some managers who are extreme perfectionists will be this way no matter how well you do your job because they need to feel superior and in control with little regard to your feelings or job performance.

The only way to get around this in abusive relationships is to LEAVE the relationship because people as such do NOT change! Leaving your job may be needed for you to find enjoyment in your work and life again. Applying for work elsewhere sounds like a good plan. Talking to your manager may be worth a try if you feel they will listen without retaliating. Just remember, this is NOT your fault that your manager behaves in this manner but taking steps to improve the quality of your life for happiness is really the only choice you have.

There is a book that may be helpful for you to learn how to respond when dealing with obnoxious people called, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Verbal Self-Defense by Lillian Glass, Ph.D.  Sometimes learning how to effectively respond to verbal abuse or attacks may turn some people around. Learning these effective responses are good to learn anyway because this probably won’t be the last time you will be dealing with these type of people.

But in any regard, the first choice in any healthy relationship is to talk and communicate to work out issues. If that doesn’t work then looking for ways to protect yourself from verbal abuse is your only answer. Your health and well-being is important to maintain and taking steps to do so will bring back the happiness again. Learning to effectively respond to these folks if open communication doesn’t work or finding work elsewhere are really your only options.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is also another good book: http://www.patriciaevans.com. I hope this helps a little—maybe there will be other experts who can better help you deal with obnoxious people in the workplace—this really isn’t in my expertize but hopefully this will help a little.

Just remember, you deserve the best out of life and you have the power to make that happen! Much peace to you!

Coach Cathy,

Cathy Backlund
Life Coach Specializing in Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence Education