Expert: Nafeesah - 11/30/2011

Question
Over a year ago when I was 15 I started dating an older guy, Brent who is 27. When I turned 16 my parents found out because we didn’t have to be as secretive anymore. I started fighting with my parents about it and it got worse until they kicked me out. So stopped going to school and I moved in with Brent and his roommates. I was scared but he treated me really nice and made me feel comfortable. But then after living there a couple months he seemed to care about me less but I still loved him. He would come home from work and want to have sex, then just ignore me the rest of the time. Then one time as we were getting ready for bed he told me to sleep on the couch. I didn’t even think he was serious but he started yelling at me until I left the room crying.   

After that him and his roommates treated me like shit. They always try to embarrass me and gave me no privacy. Brent moved all my clothes out of his room and into a closet in the hallway so I have to change in the hallway. I asked my parents if I could move back with them but they said no. Even if they said yes they were abusive so I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back. Then a couple times the guys were drinking at night and told me to drink too. I’ve never drank much before so I got drunk really quickly and I couldn’t remember what happened the next day, but I felt sore down there and knew that Brent had sex with me, but I didn’t say anything because we were still doing it even after he kicked me out of his room. The next two weekends it happened again. The day after it happened the third time I woke up and they were kind of laughing at me. I wondered what happened because I couldn’t remember. Then Brent told me that everytime I’d been passed out he let his roommates have sex with me and they all started laughing at me. I was in such shock I just wanted to kill them. But then I felt more hopeless than ever because I couldn’t do anything about it. I was stuck there. Obviously after that I wouldn’t drink with them anymore but Brent just said flat out it was okay for his friends to have sex with me but I told them no. He said I’m not doing anything else and not paying rent and he’s feeding me so I have to do it or he’ll kick me out of the house. I didn’t know what else to do so I said okay. I thought it would just be once but it kept going. I tried to talk to Brent to tell them to stop but he said that’s what I have to do to stay. So for the last month or so I’ve had to do this. They’ve made me do disgusting things and humiliated me but I don’t have anywhere else to turn. I begged my parents to let me back but they wouldn’t. I tried running away and staying at a shelter but somebody was threatened at knifepoint near me and I was actually afraid for my life there. Eventually I came back to them and they just laughed at me and treated me even worse for leaving and coming back.

As stupid as it sounds, after everything he’s done to me I feel like I still love Brent but hate him at the same time. I hate what he did but I can’t help but have feelings for him. I still wish I could leave though. I just wish was back living at my parents, as bad as that was, with my friends at school. Can you think of any other options I might have if my parents won’t take me back. I don’t want to be here anymore. Also is there anything I can do to get these guys in trouble? I don’t want to do anything with them but I don’t say no to sex because I’m afraid I’ll be kicked out to the street.

Answer
Giving that you are from the Netherlands I don't know how they help people in your situation. My advice to you is to seek out a trusted friend you can stay with until you can work out something with your parents. Do they have shelters you can go stay at and try to get into a half way house that will allow you to get reestablished back into what you had before. Sounds to me like your boyfriend is a jerk to make you change out in the hall where everyone can see you. He had sex with you when you were passed out drunk do you realize he raped you and you didnt consent to sex with him? You don't need to be with this guy anyway and his roommates treat you like trash too you need to leave this man and I would talk to your parents that you're done with this guy and make sure you're through with him no contact or seeing him you have to assure your parents that you're not going to go back to him and move on with your life. I would start getting a hold of your family and establish a plan. Don't allow some man to use you like a common prostitute because you're trying to keep a roof over your head have a little more respect for yourself you're not a doormat stop letting people wipe their feet on you. Get out of this ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!