Expert: Nafeesah - 12/26/2011

Question
My wife and i are currently having some issues, mainly due to her severe mental problems and refusal to seek real help.  She also has a drinking problem, smokes marijuana (which she declares is not a drug) and abuses her prescription medications(adderrall, xanax).  She has caused several scenes over the course of our 3 year marriage including putting her hand through a plate glass window in a drunken rage.  She also went on a violent tirade one night and was involuntarily treated for mental health problems at the urging of police, who were called by her mother.  She recently went binge drinking and vomited all over the kids playroom.  At hearing the notion that she was in the wrong, she went on another tirade and the police were called, BY HER!  Officers noted that she was still drunk and refused to take a statement (she claimed i was physical and threatening) and actually listed me as the victim in the police report.  She recently "lost" a bottle of xanax and has repeatedly accused me, along with others, of stealing them. (I suspect she may have taken them all) My worry is the effect on the children.  They are young, 2 and 3 years old.  We recently moved from PA to NY for my job, however, our legal residence is still in PA.  She has threatened several times to take the kids back to PA and leave me here.   I have a high level security clearance job, have never been in trouble with the law, and generally have been a "good boy" my whole life.  I feel the kids need their mother in their lives, but i worry that she has no real concept of how to raise them.  She is dangerous, unpredictable and careless. She is the "professional victim" in every sense.  I would never have any issue with visitation, albeit supervised.   My wife has a good person in her somewhere, and i hope she finds it, I am just losing patience with her, especially since she refuses to acknowledge the problem is on her end and blames me for EVERYTHING.  I have always been easy going and happy go lucky, but lately i am always nervous and angry.  I am at my wits end.

My Questions are:
- Will there be a bias against me because i am a man trying to get custody
- If I would win custody and she moved back to PA, how often would i be required to take the kids to PA for visitation
- Do i stand a chance of winning given her troubled past?
- Can i request a mental evaluation and a drug test?  
- What will happen with my kids during the separation/divorce process?

I dont know if i've chosen the correct category, but any adive would be greatly appreciated

Answer
If your wife has a drinking problem or any kind of substance abuse problem you can get your kids legally when you're filing for divorce and if you have proof of your wife being abusive while high or intoxicated she can lose her right to joint custody. If the court knows her past history of violence due to her drinking you might get your kids and become their primary parent they live with. Your wife will have to submit to drug and alcohol testing however long the courts say she has to in order to be compliant to be able to visit with the kids. You may want to request supervised visits to ensure your children's safety. You need to lay it all out there with the lawyer to make sure your rights as the parent who's of sound mind is protected. I would also make sure that she doesnt ask for spousal support if she has a drinking problem because any financial assistance to an addict just fuels their problem even more. I would make sure that you cover all bases because it sounds to me like you're in for a pretty nasty fight.