Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 2/27/2011

Question
I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 years I am 28 and he is 42.  I had only one boyfriend before him and that was a pretty lengthy relationship as well 5 years.  When I met him I was immediately attracted to this older man who was so masculine and had such style and presence.  He was much different from my first boyfriend, he was louder and would voice his opinion at any time. It wasn't long before I realized he had an anger problem.  Its like he never gets mad right away but it builds up and explosion is scary and unexpected because he was just smiling or so calm.  After the first time he hit me which was within the 1st 2 years I don't even remember how we began talking again.  I admit somehow I was attracted to his aggressive nature maybe because I hadn't experienced it before and when I was with him I felt protected. As of recently, he assaulted me after a party.  He hit me more than a few times in the past and after we break up he would never allow me time alone. Calling back to back at home or at work or staying outside my window all night trying to convince me how sorry he is and it will never happen again and to give him another chance. This time was definitely the worst because authorities had to be called. Yes he was arrested and since then he has admitted and accepted full responsibility for this situation and passed ones. After his arrest he has volunteered and entered anger management and counseling classes and sessions. Our 7 years were not only filled with bad memories for we have been through alot together and I think this is what makes it difficult for me to hate him though I feel I should. When I was going through my really tough times with home life he was the one to talk to me and hold me.  I have so many emotions built up inside and still wondering whether someone like him who has shown violence and a short temper is capable of changing even when they are committed.  He has asked me if I will allow him to show and prove he can and wants to change. I am happy to know he is getting help. Also his counselor asked me to come in for a session so he can hear my side of the relationship. Not sure what to do.

Answer
Dear Young lady,

Greetings and peace.

You shall go for the  counselling.However anger management  in the longrun is possible only through spiritual ways-praying to God every day  in all diligence and indulging  in regular,rigorous fasting.

Have  a nice  day

Dr.Sunu
www.mindpanchakarma.org