Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 2/19/2011

Question
QUESTION: now that i'm divorced after 20 yrs of marriage, i'm so happy. the relief is wonderful, & i so enjoy being alone now, that i don't even leave my apartment for days at a time. i have a little job, only 2 evenings per week, and a pet dog.  but i was considering leaving the job & getting a new home 4 my dog. the job sucks & i'm tired of having to take care of this dog alone. i'm 50 years old, retired, & in perfect health. i think i'd feel freer without the dog & the job--, but i need an objective opinion. i like being a hermit, & wonder if there are others like me.

ANSWER: Hi Marilyn,
It really depends on what you want.  If the dog and the job are stressors for you, there is nothing wrong with making some changes.  The thing to think about with getting rid of the dog is that when you are home without the dog, you will truly be alone and that is different than being alone with a pet.  If that is what you truly want, you may ask for a leave of absence from your job and ask someone to housesit your dog for a few weeks...just to test out the waters and see if that is truly what you would like to do.  If it is, then finalize the plans but if you find that it is not what you expected, then you haven't burned your bridges.

You may also discover after a year or so that being alone is not what you want.  Right now you are feeling great relief and that is very understandable.  Over time, you may want more of a life and probably will.  Just know that what you are feeling now is probably temporary and that there is a healing journey that you are going through at present.  It will change over time.

Hope that answers your question.  Please feel free to contact me again if you need further assistance.

Blessings, Kriss Mitchell
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---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: honorable kriss,
i have only one friend, who wants me 2 travel with her. i have traveled some, but lately i cannot commit to anything without becoming anxious. as simple doctor appointments approach, i can barely function.
i hate the idea of planning a trip with my friend because of this problem i have but i'm afraid to lose her.  i think travel would be great, but as the day of commitment approaches--i get so anxious that i can barely function. i'm too embarrassed to talk about it with her. i hope i can get over this without medication. bless you for taking time 4 me.

ANSWER: Dear Marilyn,
Anxiety comes from several different places.  Deep seated fear which is triggered by certain familiar things and/or out of balance brain chemistry.  There is no need to avoid medication as it will help restore balance that would be difficult to restore any other way.  You might try some counseling and see if working with an objective third party might help you get to any underlying causes of the anxiety.  It would be to your advantage to try a few different options rather than just withdraw and try to get over it on your own.  You are more than likely facing some things that can't be overcome alone.

Thank you for the followup and I certainly wish you well.  Please be sure to let me know if I can assist you further.

Blessings,  Kriss Mitchell

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: it was perhaps 10 years ago that i last went on vacation with my family.
it was so horrible. the memories of being trapped there with them almost make me ill, even today.
i vowed never to do that to myself again. is it likely that i'm so fearful of that experience that i can't enjoy a vacation with my friend now?  she'll never understand if i tell her. is there a way to prepare myself mentally to expect better things than what has happened in the past?  i will try anything that i can do on my own, from my home. thanks.

Answer
Dear Marilyn,
There are various books you may be able to read if you do some research regarding generalized anxiety or agoraphobia on amazon.com.  However it is my professional opinion that you will not be able to conquer this by yourself.  You can approach this in whatever manner you choose, I am not pushing you to do anything.  It is just my recommendation that you seek a counselor who can help you.  Even if it is scary to do that, facing our fears can be part of the healing process.  

Again I wish you well and encourage you to research these possible options to your dilemma.  You deserve a better life than being alone.

Many blessings,  Kriss Mitchell