Expert: Nafeesah - 5/17/2011

Question
To whom it may concern,
   My name is Christina, I am 21 years old, a college student.  Currently I am living at home, and I have a problem.  My parents do not like my current boyfriend, Thomas.  We have been together for about 7 months now and it has been an on and off relationship.  Now they are sending me to New York to forget about Thomas, and it is going to be his birthday this saturday but we are still together.  Tom doesn't see a problem in our relationship but I do.  Tom's staying here in our home town, and a few months from now I am going to leave him, to go to a college 7 hours away from town.  He says he wants to visit me while I'm up there, but the problem is that I do not think I want to forgo my relationship with him.  He is my first boyfriend, and would like to see what is out there.  My feelings for him is not that strong.   He see's me as marriage material, but I do not see him in my future.  We have been through many ups and downs together.  My personal opinion of Tom is that he sometimes can be selfish, inconsiderate and egotistical.  I guess that's just how he is.  His friends even agree with me sometime on that.  When I am with him, I am happy but when I am not I am sad.  I do not trust him, as far as our relationship goes.  My gut thinks that he cheats on me when I am not around.  Should I stay in this relationship or leave? What are alternatives if I do stay, I feel as if he will just keep hurting me as time goes on, I do not really think he's the right person for me.  I am just with him right now, because I love feeling of having someone there.  Please help.  I really need advice.  Thanks.

Answer
If your heart and gut is telling you that you don't see him as someone you want to be with long term I would get out of it. You also expressed as wanting to see what else is out there and you should giving you're only 21 years old. Right now your main focus should be on school and spend the time getting to know people and casually date different guys. You're still young and you're realizing right now that Thomas may not be the man for you. I would question your feelings if you can't trust him. If there are issues it's time to discuss them and bring some resolution to your life. If you're not happy it's time to decide whether you want to stay with Thomas or not and moving on with your life.