Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 7/14/2011

Question
I got out of a mentally abusive ex who was bi-polar and had a pretty severe anger problem ....... Then I find out (weve broken up for about 3 weeks now) that I am 5 weeks pregnant .... My question is does it make me a "bad" person for not wanting to tell him at all (I realize by this I kissed child support money good bye, but I'm okay with that) because I don't want my son/daughter to be raised in that kind of environment

Answer
Dear Katie,
This is a very personal question and I believe that no matter what you decide, you have to be comfortable with it.  Does it make you a bad person for wanting to protect your child?  No, absolutely not.  However, if you make a decision like this you must decide what the pros and the cons are for it.  What will you do if he suddenly appears after 5-10 years and wants to meet a son/daughter who doesn't know anything about him?  How will you deal with your son/daughter if s/he wants to meet their father when they are older?  How will you ensure that he doesn't find out about the child?  Do you plan to move from the area?  These are all serious questions that you have to make sure you are at peace with when you make your decision.  On the other hand, not having an abusive parent in the picture can un-complicate life to a large degree.  

No matter what your decision, you must go into the situation with eyes wide open, knowing how you will deal with the fall out that will come down the road.  If you can do that, you will have peace, a plan and safety for you and your child.

I wish you the very best as you make your decision.  These are difficult things to sort out.  If you need further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.

Blessings, Kriss Mitchell
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