Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 9/28/2011

Question
I have a long story Hi I am a 30 yr old single woman. I have been in a relationship off and on for almost 12yrs now which have left me wondering where do i stand now. I met this guy 12 yrs back when i was going through a emotional turmoil my Bf had left me and got married. This guy and me started off as friends but slowly we were attracted to each other, however his attitude changed when i told him about my previous relationship. I was still seeing my ex i asked for forgiveness and he said he had forgiven me. We were physically close but he was emotionally getting away.I tried my best to bring him back meanwhile he lost his job and put the blame on me.I tried to support him but he wudnt allow me to come close. he moved to London and before he left we had a holiday together and we felt we were very much in love still. He went away and for 3 mnts we did'nt talk then he came back with a marriage proposal and gave me a ring. But after a month or so i came to know he was into live-in with a Russian girl. that left me devastated i questioned him he denied but later accepted and we split.He came back again after 6 monts with a Marriage proposal but i was not sure i questioned him and he left confused. He went ahead and got married to a girl he barely knew but within 3 monts into it he was seeking a divorce, he wanted my support inspite of all my pain i was consoling him but we had some fights when he told me he wanted to marry me.I was unsure and so questioned him again and he again got furious and asked me to go away and send me a rude email. I got furious too and decided not to talk ever again. though i still loved him but his arrogance and hate for me left me helpless. We were not in touch for 6 yrs and i came to know from a mutual friend that he married again as soon as he was divorced and that to a chat friend of his. all these years i was waiting for him hoping that he would realize his mistake and come back. But he never came. Now all of a sudden after 4 ys of his marriage he came to me with a proposal of friendship. he asked for forgiveness and said he just want to be a better person. when i questioned him about his marriage he told me that it was on rocks for two years but now he is ok.he told me that all these years he had loved and hated me which made him run into those affairs.He wants to make amends now by being friends. we chat everyday and he allowed me to vent out his anger on him, asked me about my problems. I am confused a person who has illtreated me all his life how come he is so sweet to me. He is not divorcing his wife nor he wants to marry me. I still love him i can live without him but when he comes near me whichever form it may be lover or a friend it makes me helpless. i cannot control my emotions. however he says that i am the only person he has ever loved and cant leave me alone for long. his divorce left him with bitter memories and his parents suffered too so he is scared to go for divorce again though he is living a life of compromise as his wife hates him and is using him for money and status and she will nt leave him nor does he has the guts to ask her to leave.i feel he does nt love me but y did he contact me off and on then i feel so lonely and depressed i feel i will never get love i sometimes hate him but still i cant hate him for i love him still waht do i do.how do i get over this abusive relationship, can u tell me y did he kept contacting me all this long.

Answer
Dear Diya,

Greetings and peace to you.

I understand your problem.In my limited  understanding I  suggest you to keep distance from this  person.This person will not be able to love anyone truly  unless and  until he goes for a  solid  mind  detoxification coupled with liver detoxification.

It is natural you feel  lonely  and   depressed.But this  feeling should not direct  you to seek love from persons who  are devoid of  true love due to  various  reasons.

Commit your life in prayer and meditation.This will be a good start. You also need weekly   fasting,prayer and silence for one year   the minimum.Till this is over  do not  engage  any men in any  form

Have  a nice day

-Dr.Sunu
www.mindpanchakarma.org