Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 1/23/2012

Question
QUESTION: let me say first my mom never hits me I want to be clear on that.look me and my bother got into a fight at McDonald's we threw ketchup on each other.im older I'm 15 he is 13. I got some ketchup on some woman clothes and my mom had to reimburse her for the damage. my mom freaked out on me told me I was a immature baby and my brother to in front of people in McDonalds. Leaving McDonald's she told us that she should get us some pacifiers and some pampers and a playpen. people were looking at me. like she was right. she took away my x box my I pod and cell I can't go out on weekends now. on the car ride home she is yelling at us telling us when she goes to walmart she should buy us a crib and stuff.telling me we made her look like a bad mother she's being a total bitch to me.

Can I turn her into CPS for abuse saying those things to me? isn't it slander or something saying lies about someone. saying I need pampers and making me look bad in public.For the record he started it my brother not me. its not fair she's doing this. she took away my games I pod my cell phone and I can't go out now because of that bitch. now she won't let me take drivers ed. she say I'm to immature to drive. can't cps make her a better mom or just tell her to chill out.

ANSWER: Dear Matt,
Although she may have over reacted, there is nothing here that would warrant you calling CPS.  The more appropriate response would be to take responsibility for your actions...whether your brother started it or not, you joined in...and perhaps offer to reimburse your mother for the costs she had to pay for your inappropriate behavior. Did you ever think that you may have embarrassed her?

This would be a more mature and appropriate way to handle the matter.  Accepting the consequences of your actions and learning from them is what makes us responsible adults.  I would imagine that your mother may be trying to get your attention in whatever way she has to do that.  It sounds as though you have been provided with many blessings if you have an XBox, an iPod and a cell phone which you should be grateful for.  Part of the gratefulness should be displayed in respecting your mother in public by behaving well.

The reason people were looking at you is because you were behaving badly in public, therefore looking out of place.  She did not make you look bad in public, you made you look badly in public and the sooner you take responsibility for your actions, the more reasonable a young adult you will become.  My advice to you would be to apologize to your mother and begin working on your manners so this type of thing doesn't happen again and you don't have to have things taken away from you in order to teach you what is correct behavior.  You are the only one responsible for your behavior, your responses etc which is what personal responsibility is all about.

Thank you for writing and if I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: what about her saying i need pampers though? isnt that like calling a black person the N word or something

Answer
Dear Matt,
Like I said, your mother may have over reacted in what she said to you, but she did nothing illegal or slanderous.  Calling a black person the N word may come out of prejudice and is certainly not an appropriate thing to do by any means, but it is not against the law.  

What your mother was trying to say to you was that you were behaving like a child of a much younger age.  Her choice of words and how she conveyed her message would not have been my choice of words, however I am not in your home and I don't know how many times she has tried to improve the behavior of her children.  Parents get frustrated and angry just like you do.  You are hurt and angry about this situation, to the point where you want to call CPS, which is also an over reaction.  The best thing to do is bring the volume down, both of you settle down and then perhaps talk about the situation in an open and honest way.  You are hurt by the words she chose and she was probably embarrassed and scared by having to deal with someone who needed to be reimbursed in some way for the damages that were caused.  Can you understand that?  

Communication is the key here.  No one hears well or speaks well when they are angry so if you can remain calm and help others around you be calm, you will be able to work out more problems that way.

Thank you again for writing back.  I hope you are able to work things out with your mother.