Expert: Nafeesah - 1/21/2012

Question
I married the person I fell in love with in college. It's going to be a decade that we've
Been together. He is short tempered, he loses all control when fighting verbally abuses misbehaves
All that was before. I got slapped really hard by him day before yesterday and iv lost my hearing
From one ear. My ear drum is damaged it should heal in 4 weeks the doc said. Told the doc I was
Hit by a football, I feel stuck. Socially in every manner. I'm scared that though he's cried apologised n sworn that he
Will change n never do this again, that he will. I don't know what to do or who to contact
In the country that I live you can't go to anyone coz they're no professionals n I don't want anyone to know. I'm depressed. I'm unhappy. I'm
Very hurt n humiliated that the person I love may have given me a permanent injury. How do I heal my heart?
How do I become happy again without noticing that I can't hear? What the hell am I supposed to say to him? I
Can't talk to him I'm acting as normal as possible but I can't stop thinking that my life is finished because
I don't know how to deal with this situation. Help me.

Answer
It's time to make some key decisions in your life I tell women who are in your situation that you have to do what you need to do to make your life better. There's no reason why you should remain committed to a man who can't show you the love and respect that you deserve. Don't make excuses for him or justify why he abuses or abused you because you're only making yourself look bad. I would contact your social service agency for resources because you're in Pakistan and I am in the United States I wouldnt be able to direct you to resources which are in abundance here to help battered women and those who are trying to get out of domestic violence situations. Don't lie about your injuries because the next time you seek medical treatment they're going to look at it from the last visit and if doctors see a pattern of injury consistent with someone who's a victim of domestic violence they can get you some help because a medical professional is mandated by law to report this stuff. Please don't fall for the Im sorry this won't happen again line because abusers say it all the time to get you to believe they're really sorry when in fact they're not. Your husband needs help he needs to get professional counseling to work on why he's abusing his wife and issues that drive him to be angry. He has to do this on his own and decide that he will be committed to working on himself before he can work on things outside of himself. But for you it's time to move on because he nearly caused you to become deaf by hitting you and that's not how a marriage is supposed to work.