Abusive Relationships/My boyfriend hit me

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Question
Me and my boyfriend are both 17 and we have been dating for 2 years. We both love each other very much and we hope to get married some day. A week ago I found out that he had been smoking marijuana which he used to do a long time ago but he stopped because I hate it. Well, when I found out I told him that if he didn't stop then I would find a way to make him stop. He didn't stop even after I told that, so when I was over his house yesterday and he was sleeping I found the marijuana and hid it somewhere. I also told his mother about it who told me that she would talk to him. When he woke up, she talked to him and told him about how if he doesn't stop, it'll ruin his life. Once she had talked to him and she left, he started yelling at me, calling me a slut, a bitch, a whore, and a druggie(by the way, he's the only person I ever had sex with except for when I was raped when I was 8, and the only drugs I've ever taken were drugs that I have to take because I got a heart transplant last year). He also hit me many times very hard.
He texted "I'm  more sorry than I've ever been in my whole life, babe. I never should have done that. I really don't want this to ruin our relationship. I love you so much baby."
I still love him so much but I don't know if I could ever trust him again. He was the first person I've ever dated who I actually trusted and loved but now he ruined that. I don't know if I could forgive him but I still love him.
I tried to talk to him about it but now hes saying that I'm overreacting and that he didn't even hit me that hard. Normally he's the sweetest guy so I don't now why hes doing this.
What should I do?

Answer
Dear Ricky,
Physical abuse is a deal breaker, no matter who it is.  If he has hit you, he has a problem with his temper that needs attention.  That's the bottom line.  You can't help him with it, staying with him won't change anything and loving him more won't do anything about it.

What should you do?  You should leave and not look back.  It's fine to love him, its fine to forgive him, but do those things from far away from him.  He doesn't respect you enough to treat you well and it doesn't matter if he's the sweetest guy, he's also a violent guy.  Violence puts any relationship off the table.  You are too young and have too much value as a young woman to put up with any more of this type of dishonorable behavior.  

Additionally, what you have described is the cycle of domestic violence:  There is the build up to the event, then there is the violent or abusive event, then the abuser apologizes and promises it won't happen again, the victim forgives, the honeymoon period begins when everything is good and then the build up to the next event happens.  Unless you want to go around the cycle again, get out of the relationship and find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

If I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.  I am so sorry you are going through this, but you have control over your life and who you let in it.  If they don't treat you well, they lose the privilege to be in your life.

Abusive Relationships

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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP

Expertise

I can answer questions regarding emotional and physical abuse in dating and marriage situations, however I am unable to give legal advice. Having had firsthand experience in an abusive relationship, I understand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we have as we try to make decisions about how to improve our situations. I am also able to address spiritual concerns regarding staying in or leaving these types of situations.

Experience

Having been a victim of emotional abuse for many years and having family members who were in violent abuse situations, I have personal experience on many levels. I have since gone on to become a professional counselor and work with abused women.

Organizations
American Mental Health Counselors Assn., American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

Publications
I currently maintain a blog at www.livingwellcc.blogspot.com. I also have links and currently written articles on my website at www.livingwellcc.com. You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Education/Credentials
Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

Awards and Honors
Board Certified Christian Counselor

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